America's Next Top Model

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Ugly Americans

Four lovely girls stand before Tyra, but only two of them will be finalists walking in an Anna Sui fashion show. And the first finalist is... Krista! She practically pushes Alexandra over with excitement. Krista walks up to Tyra, puts her fist in the air and says, "Fifty percent chance, Tyra, fifty percent chance!" Tyra congratulates her, and Krista again yells, "Fifty-fifty!" She's clearly thrilled, and likes her odds. Alex, Angelea, and Raina step forward. Alexandra has a body that is so rare and so amazing and so gorgeous -- the judges look at her from week to week and are wowed. She has the gorgeous face to go along with it. But then from week to week they look at the pictures, which are inconsistent. Then there's Raina, the second coming of Brooke Shields. She has such a strong face, with porcelain skin, strong eyebrows, and wolf-eyes. Her challenge is liking certain creativity in a photo shoot, and being very good at that. When things go against her preference, she falls flat. And then there's Angelea. She has an edgy and interesting face, but the judges wonder if she can take critique in the fashion industry and still forge ahead.

So who's the second finalist? Oh Mylanta! It's Raina. Raina thanks Tyra and heads over to stand by Krista. Tyra hugs each of the bootees and gives some encouraging words. She tells Alex that she has to get her consistency up and find her angles, because the judges think that her hot bod is the second coming of amazingness. We're not told who the first coming is. Tyra tells a tearful Angelea that she's come so far, but that "we" have to be strong and take criticism and keep our head held high. Angelea looks absolutely crestfallen, in part because she's going back to Buffalo. But then she pulls it together and tells the panel that they'll be seeing her again. They'll be seeing her again exactly 30 seconds later, in fact, doing her Hammer dance. The panel applauds her buffoonery in the face of rejection.

With the losers out of the room, the top two can celebrate without guilt. Tyra tells them that they're going to be experiencing a first in the history of Top Model, a designer who wants them to be happy and smiling and cute and winky on the runway. She demonstrates, because no one is more winky than Tyra.

Alex packs and says she's really mad. She thought she'd be in the top two. She tells us that she came to this competition because she knew she'd be really good at it. Actually, I think she was really mediocre at it for the most part but managed to pull out some great pictures when it really counted. And maybe that's something in itself. Alex wanted to give girls like her something to believe in. Believe in Little Debbie, girls like Alex. Believe in Little Debbie. Alex says that walking away without the title sucks, especially when she's pushed herself so hard. However, she's prepared to take what she's learned and get herself in some damn magazines.

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America's Next Top Model




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