America's Next Top Model

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Ugly Americans

ALT wants to talk to the girls about what it's like to be in the world of fashion. He gives them a little rundown about how things work in Paris, Milan, Tokyo, and Milan again. The Milanese designers love to eat good food and want to see you enjoying their lifestyle. Not too much, though, or else you get too fat to walk in fashion week. You don't have to actually bow to Japanese designers, but you do have to be very polite. Designers love to have conversations with models, says ALT. If you're in Paris and Karl Lagerfeld asks you to come to dinner, the sky has opened. Literally, I think. And then you get to have a meal of sautéed clouds, which is Karl Lagerfeld's favorite dinner.

ALT then takes questions from the girls, which is my favorite part of the season so far, aside from the runway pendulum disaster. Krista asks about the origins of "dreckitude." ALT explains that "dreck" means a dreadful train wreck. Have none of these girls ever heard that word before? And frankly, it doesn't take all that much imagination to add "itude" to the end of a word, particularly when you're prone to speaking random words in French anyway. Krista then asks what it's like to work for Vogue. ALT says that it's an extraordinary experience. He's been in shoots with the best of the best -- he's been with the best actresses, and traveled with the best supermodels to exotic places. He's been there for a long time and loves it and says he'll never give it up.

Angelea asks ALT how he got started. ALT says that he wanted to be in fashion all of his life, and was encouraged to go to New York. He says that when he was the age of the girls he went to New York, where he was very insecure and afraid and had no money. But! ALT worked for Andy Warhol! Amazing, right? Andy Warhol gave him his first job for $50 a week. ALT was basically Andy Warhol's bitch -- he licked stamps, took telephone messages, and went to get Warhol's lunch every day. ALT moved into the YMCA and lived with cockroaches, both real and human. But he took the job with Warhol because he knew it was going to get him to the next step. Angelea tells us that she likes Andre, because they've been through similar things. I bet ALT totally slept in the Port Authority, too! When you try to make it, Angelea says, you do what you have to do. She wants to be America's Next Model, because she wants to show girls that you can overcome being born in the gutter. Angelea has overcome a lot in her life, not the least of which is her crazy club dance at panel. ALT tells the girls that they are the crème de la crème -- of this competition. They haven't reached the next level yet, and still have to work hard to achieve the dream. He gives each of them a big Talley hug, and they disappear into a small door in his cape and land in a world full of giant, affable men in elegant muumuus. Talley ho!

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America's Next Top Model




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