As the final five continue their tenure in Rome, Fatima thinks she's all that while Katarzyna is universally considered to be the dullest dullard in Dullsville. The girls arrive at ancient ruins where they see gladiators -- including one lady gladiator! -- duking it out. They get some lessons in gladiatorocity, and learn how to fight with composure, elegance and fierceness using giant popsicle sticks. They change into gladiatrix attire thinking that their challenge might entail another pose-off, and so are surprised when they see the Jays, who tell them that this is a photo challenge. They each get five frames in which to be tough-pretty while wielding a sword against a very muscly armored man named Ferdinando. Fatima totally forgets all of her gladiator moves, while Dominique tries out some crazy body language. The winner of the challenge is Whitney, and she gets 1000 euro to spend on a shopping spree. She can either pick a friend or go by herself, but does the nice thing and shares her wealth with Anya.
The girls head to a castle and get dressed up like a bunch of crazy, frizzy-haired hos in a Renaissance meets rock n' roll themed shoot. That is photographed by Tyra. The greatest novice photographer in the history of the world! Her vision for the shoot is "Renaissance Italian woman who went to the club on Sunset Boulevard." Katarzyna doesn't quite get it, and manages to be dull even while walking like an Egyptian. Dominique is a fierce Cruella de Vil. She looks great, but still gets on everybody's damn nerves. Fatima and Anya work it, while Tyra has to give Whitney a lesson in dealing with her boobs. At panel, Tyra takes credit for all the good photos, because it's all about her! She used artificial light for the first time! Are you as amazed at her intuitive brilliance as I am? Anya and Fatima get raves, as does Dominique, to the surprise of everyone. In the end, it's Katarzya and Whitney in the bottom two, with Katarzyna predictably being sent home.
Hi, everybody. So, if you'll indulge me, I'm going to have a snark-free moment before the recap begins. Last week a friend of mine, Andrea Coller, passed away. I knew Andrea from a writing retreat that I attend about twice a year, and I was always blown away by how talented she was. A few months ago, Andrea learned that she had won Glamour magazine's non-fiction writing contest. Her essay about living with cancer, along with a short interview, came out a few days ago. If you are so inclined, please pick up the magazine (May issue) or read her piece online here. It is, as every bit of her writing I had the privilege of hearing, absolutely stunning.
Okay, now down to business. Previously on ANTM: Rome! The girls moved into their phat pad (how do you say that in Italian?) and Fatima wasted no time in contracting the Italian flu. A Cover Girl commercial in Italian proved to be a big challenge for Dominique, Anya, and Whitney, but Fatima and Katarzyna were easy and breezy. Poor Lauren got an extra helping of awkwardness with Alfredo sauce, and was sent home with the sturdy advice that she should stick to the non-speaking type of modeling. Five bitches remain!
It is evening in Rome. The girls return home after elimination. Whitney reminds us that she was in the final two at judging, and that the panel found her very fake in her commercial. She tells us that it's nerves that bring all that fakeness to the surface, and it's something she's going to have to change. Whitney tells Anya that she always feels like she's going to break down in tears at panel. Anya, who is smarter than I give her credit for, tells Whitney that that's what the panel wants to see -- emotion. The more breakdown-like/groveling it is, the better your chances of survival. Fatima interviews that Whitney's freaking out. Fatima could care less, because she's fixated on how well her commercial went. She thinks she's a natural, and that she's been improving a lot. It's quite a feat to improve so much that you become a natural, isn't it? Dominique asks Fatima who her competition is, and Fatima smiles blankly and says she has no competition. Dominique notes that this is true in Fatimaland, which is ruled by Princess Fatima and has no other inhabitants. Except for the unicorns, of course, for transportation. Fatima notes that her continuous improvement is threatening to the other girls.
Katarzyna tells us that the competition is getting more difficult, and everyone is pretty much neck and neck. I guess this means all the no-neck monsters have been eliminated. The panel has been telling Katarzyna to be more personable, so that's what she's going to do. Or, try to do. A few of the girls sit around and gossip, and Fatima notes that the judges are totally dead-on in their critiques. Like, for example, how they say Katarzyna doesn't have a personality. Whitney laughs and admits that she agrees with that. Katarzyna is so personality deprived that Fatima couldn't even remember her when she was going through a mental list of all the girls. I thought only Tyra was allowed to make that bogus claim. Fatima interviews that Katarzyna should be behind a desk, crunching numbers as an accountant. In a porno. I mean, right? Hottest accountant ever. In any case, this is what Katarzyna gets for being sweet and humble and unassuming.