America's Next Top Model
Welcome to High Fashion

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The 15th Time's the Charm

In addition to the Italian Vogue spreads and cover of Beauty in Vogue, the winner will get the standard Cover Girl contract and a contract with IMG, which is also pretty impressive. I hope Andre Leon Talley got a giant raise and the credit he is due for making this happen. Everything is going to be elevated this season, Tyra tells us, and an impressive list of guest judges and guest photographers bears this out -- Diane von Furstenberg, Zac Posen, Roberto Cavalli, Patrick Demarchelier, and Matthew Ralston. Tyra asks if we can handle Top Model elevated. If I double my wine intake, possibly. 2010 is the year that this show will finally make me an alcoholic! Happy times. Hang on, pinot noir! I'll come rescue you from your bottle during the ensuing commercial break!

The scene: LAX. Girls get their hot pink luggage and sass to the camera. The first two that we meet are sisters Chris and Terra White, from Arlington, Texas. At least one of them can't keep her bra within the confines of her tank top. Whichever that one is says that her sister is older, but she's the cuter one. Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber. I think I've made that joke at least seven times in my ANTM recapping history. Sorry, but it keeps happening. Next we meet Anamaria, 18 from Queens, who is too young to have such a bad dye job. Kayla, a mop-topped 19 year-old albino from Rockford, IL, says that she saw names on the seats of the bus that was taking them to their next destination, and knew to be afeared. Vanessa, 18 from Lakeville, MN, enters the bus and snits, "Welcome to the competition." This girl has bitchy bone structure, if such a thing is possible. Vanessa tells us that she was the 2009 Miss Minnesota Teen USA. She's really confident, and says she can already tell that some of the girls are uncomfortable, and doesn't blame them. We can only hope that the judges will torture her as her resume indicates they should. Emily, 21 from Ona, West Virginia, tells us that her town is a good ole' country town. As such, being in L.A. for the auditions is a culture shock -- she doesn't usually encounter "this many diversities and cultures." I'm sure things are going to go extremely well for her from here on out.

Once everyone's on the bus, the driver announces that their final destination is Palm Springs. Kendal, 23 from Northport Alabama, who I think might be a bit of a Krista Junior, interviews that she was elated until she realized that she doesn't know what Palm Springs is. There is one bad rapper on the bus -- it's Kacey, 20 from Palmdale, California. Kacey auditioned for Cycle 11, and tells us that she didn't make a very good impression. We flash back to her crying when she didn't make the show, and while I vaguely remember her glasses, nothing else rings a bell. Now, however, she's more comfortable with herself and more mature. Her strategy this time around will be to be very aggressive. She's really grown into herself as a stank bitch, I guess. Hooray for self-improvement.

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America's Next Top Model

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