America's Next Top Model
Welcome to High Fashion

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The 15th Time's the Charm

One person who does not seem to love Kacey's rap is Ann, 19 from Dallas, who says that she was the shy, quiet girl in high school. Ann is kind of like a cross between Lurch and Gillian Welch. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Ann says that so many people have shunned her for being nerdy, and she constantly gets comments about her height and weight. We see a full-length shot of Ann in shorts and a tank top, and indeed she is extremely tall and bony and sort of ill-looking. I can't yet tell if she's going to be a swan-like triumph of transformation or just depress me all season.

Speaking of people who depress me, we next meet Jordan, 18, from Chicago. She looks like Courtney Love during that phase when she, like, let some homeless guy suck on her boob at Wendy's. If Courtney Love had had her old nose at that time. On the bus Jordan says to someone, "Going to a bar is like, I want to get drunk in front of these people so they think I modeled." What does that even mean? Jordan goes on to interview, "Consumerism, materialism is the opposite of everything that I represent. It's just petty bullshit, and that's not what I'm about." Oh, to be 18 and know everything. In all fairness, though, it does look like she got that acid-washed denim jacket out of a trash heap, and dyed her hair in spilled toxic waste. So maybe her actions do correspond with her principles. Jordan continues to the other girls that she doesn't need to go out and impress anyone. Apparently, she's trying so hard FOR HERSELF. Got it? Jordan's seatmate, Lexie (18, from Geneva, Illinois) says that she finds Jordan to be really disingenuous, and her whole persona is really contrived. Points for the keen observations as well as the big words! Lexie does not think that Jordan will do well. I hope that we've learned something from the whole Ren debacle, and that Lexie is right.

The girls land at the Parker Hotel in Palm Springs, and the competition is ready to really begin. They crowd into a hallway, and the Jays emerge onto a balcony. There is much merriment. Miss J. says that a lot of celebrities and fashionistas come to the Parker Palm Springs to get away from the craziness and hectic pace of L.A. However, these girls aren't here for a vacation. It's on. Jay Manuel tells the girls that their seatmates on the bus were not actually random. In the industry, girls are categorized with labels like blonde, brunette, pale-skinned, dark-skinned and alternative. On the bus, the girls were seated with their direct same-category competition. The friendly times, such as they were, are officially over.

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America's Next Top Model

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