America's Next Top Model
Welcome to High Fashion

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The 15th Time's the Charm

And then it's time for the requisite idiot. Sara, 21 from Menifee, California, wrote a rap. I'd translate it, but that would mean having to rewind it a few times, and there is but so much sacrifice I can make for this job. Suffice to say she ends it by screaming, "I'm white but I can rap!" Jay says, "So did Vanilla Ice." Don't forget Marky Mark! Sara also has a son, who she proudly notes is a quarter black and has tan skin with blonde hair. Miss J. presumes that she got her rapping ability by sleeping with a half-black dude. If he had been all black, the rap might have been listenable. Tyra can't even imagine what kind of crazy-ass mom Sara must be.

And then yet another girl can't find her way into the room. It's Kendal, who was also found on Tyra.com. Tyra notes that Kendal is "pure," and asks why being intimate with a man grosses her out. Kendal simply says, "Like, I don't like semen." Sound of record scratching. Kendal elaborates: "I don't like semen on my hand. I don't like..I'm like...kinda grossed out about it." So Kendal totally gave some guy a hand job in a car or something and had no wipes about. I mean, it is a particularly viscous fluid. Miss J. theorizes that Kendal is a germophobe. I don't actually think that's it, but nice try. Kendal says, "I just like to cuddle. Something wrong with cuddling?" She has a point. Cuddling is really awesome. It is a lot more awesome than semen, unless you're taking the future of human existence into account. Kendal has never been out of Alabama or away from her family, so this is a new experience for her. But she knows she's top model material. Tyra and the Jays agree, saying that she's stunning. Tyra even thinks she's one of the most beautiful girls they've seen in a while. If only she was mute.

Anamaria, 18 from Queens, is next, and happens to be obsessed with IMG. Lucky for her. Cycle 15 is exactly what she wanted, which means that this girl is actually interested in being a model rather than a famewhore. Novel! And then there's Ann. ...Her? She appears to frighten Miss J. witless when she first enters the room. Her waist is so small that Miss J. can fit his hands around it. It's insane. That ensemble with the velvet choker/Victorian silhouette charm combination isn't doing her any favors, either. Ann says that she's 6'2. The height is hereditary -- her mom is 6'3", her dad is 6'6", and her brother is 6'7". They all apparently have crazy metabolisms and can have fifths at the Old Country Buffet without gaining any weight. Ann has tried to break into modeling, but been rejected by a number of agencies. Some of them apparently have height caps at 6'0". Being shunned for her height has made Ann wonder if she really can be a model. There is something about Ann that Tyra really likes, and it's that she's kind of a freak. You'd be freaky too if your body was burning calories at that rate.

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America's Next Top Model

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