America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
School Daze

And then there's Jenna, age twenty, from Boston, who had second thoughts about coming to the semi-finals. It all has to do with something called "tricking out her Impala." Jenna does some spoken-word poetry of her own that goes a little something like this: "Impala SS/Cause I be goin' kinda fast when I want to/Weavin' like a hairdo/Two-toned, red on the bottom, white on the top/Rims/Tint/System/Bumpin'/Fly./Flyyyyyy!" That was written in, like, Runes. Jay thinks that Jenna would be pretty if she kept her mouth shut.

We then meet Jennifer, age twenty-four, from Orlando, who is also representing the plus-sized ladies. She has stretch marks on her stomach, which she alternately is not so excited about/doesn't care about. Jay thinks that Jennifer is sweet and has a beautiful face.

Then there's Claire, age twenty-four, from New York, who would like to be a global warrior for the environment. She paid off her carbon footprint with the hair from the left side of her head. Claire tells the judges that it's hard to be away from her daughter, especially since she's still breastfeeding. Tyra asks if Claire is FedExing the milk, and Claire says that right now she's actually drinking it. Turns out it tastes kind of like light soy milk. I get why Claire is pumping, but what I don't quite understand is the drinking part. Just when Al Gore was starting to give global warriors for the environment a good name. The thirsty members of the panel each take a glass of milk from under the table and toast to Claire. Mmm. Breasty.

With that, it's finally time to learn who makes it to the final round. Each girl gets a report card stating if they passed or failed. Passes include: Whitney, Jenna, Marvita, Katarzyna, Jennifer, Kristen, Stacy-Ann, Claire, Anya, Kim, Aimee, Fatima, Lauren, Amy, Atalya, Allison, and Dominique. And then there are those who failed. Sorry, Shaya! You must spread your beauty elsewhere. Sorry, Shalynda! Get a job. Sorry Marguerite! Stop it with the freestyle. Sorry, nameless faceless others!

The finalists have one more photo shoot, in which they have to style their own hair and makeup while wearing tube tops. Allison puts purple tear streaks down her face, which she knows is a big trend on the runways in Asia. Lauren never wears makeup, and so fashions herself a black eye. The girls also get a fur stole to wear, which Jay seems to think is in the tradition of senior portraits. Jay apparently graduated from Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan High School. The girls work their stoles as best they can. Anya tells us that she appreciates everything that has been given to her. She adds, "I mean, just the food alone. Like, the food that they're feeding us, I just love it so much." That girl is not right. Fatima is a self-proclaimed perfectionist and takes longer to get her photos the way she wants them. Dominique looks like she walked out of Clan Of The Cave Bear. Marvita wants to show her newfound confidence.

After the shoot, Tyra and the Jays look at the girls' photos and prepare to make the final cuts. Aimee looks like a model but has no idea how to model. She has the noun but not the verb. The panel doesn't know what Allison was going for with the eyes, but says that she did stand out. Amy is a little bit dated and older-looking. Anya has today's model look, but Jay is scared to see her do anything that involves talking. Atalya looks somewhat modelish in her high-school graduation shot. Miss J. finds Claire to be very special, but Jay is concerned that she'll realize that modeling is a soulless, vain kind of job. Dominique is a boring horsie, according to Jay. Miss J. thinks that Fatima has a beautiful face, but that her walk is broke down. Jenna is eminently mockable. Jennifer has a different face in each of her photos. Katarzyna is sex on legs, and Miss J. would love to break that down. Mr. Jay says -- out of absolutely nowhere, I'm sure -- that she reminds him of Paulina Porizkova. Sometimes Miss J. reminds me of Ric Ocasek. Kimberly is a little mushed in the face for Miss J.'s taste. Kristen has an interesting European vibe. Lauren might look hopeless, but Jay thinks she could get it together. Marvita has been through therapy. She has model potential, but she actually impressed Jay more last cycle. Jay loves Stacy-Ann's walk. Whitney sucks in her cheeks. And with that, the final thirteen girls have been chosen!

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9Next

America's Next Top Model

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP