America's Next Top Model

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Goddesses and Monsters

Ad with that...it's time for hour two! The girls are living large in New York City. London wears her Holy Tights, and thinks about how the Lord has rewarded her devoutness with this stroke of luck and casting. Isabella is from a small town, and thus is especially excited to be in the fashion capital of the world! She tells us that now she can actually say to herself, "I am a model." More like, "I am a human experiment, Season 12." Sandra tells us that she's unique, beautiful and from Africa. She doesn't think anyone else is as strong as her, or as modelesque. Sandra also says that she has personality. Notice she doesn't say "a good personality." In other news, what the heck is up with her hair? Celia tells us that being in this competition is the biggest feat she's ever accomplished. She's 25, the age at which most models are sent to the glue factory, so she feels lucky to get a chance to start out in this industry in her golden years. If I were her, I'd have been content going on with my normal life, and having cheesecake with Rose and Blanche on the lanai.

The girls head to the top of New York City's Empire State Building, which is seriously fun times. Once there they meet Nigel and Paulina! Yay! The two judges reiterate the fact that the girls are on top of the Empire State Building, which is in New York City. Season 12 begins with a riveting start, per usual. Nigel hands the keys to the new model house to Celia. Paulina tells Celia that, for no reason other than she was standing in front and thus got the keys handed to her randomly, she gets to choose the first bed in the house. She and Aminat celebrate as Sandra glowers.

The model house is typically gorgeous, and typically decorated with larger-than-life photos of Tyra. London says that she finds herself staring at them, and likely wondering if that whole "false idol" thing has been blown out of proportion a bit. Upstairs there are smaller photos of previous Top Model winners, minus the ones Tyra doesn't like anymore. The girls flop down on various beds, and Aminat notes that, although the house is fly, there are an awful lot of steps. This will keep everyone skinny except for Kortnie, who gets to use the freight elevator. Isabella remains excited to be out of her small town and gleeful that this is her home now, for at least as long as the producers think there's a chance she might have a seizure and thus forget that she's tremendously dull.

There is much revelry and jumping upon beds. Sandra tells us that she really likes the bed that she chose, which is secluded and out of the way. It may surprise you to learn that she's not here to make friends, but to become America's Next Top Model. Soon enough Celia comes along and takes a liking to Sandra's bed. She decides to claim it even though Sandra's purse was on it, invoking her position as One Who Randomly Got the Keys from Nigel and Paulina. Celia moves Sandra's purse to the floor, and then proceeds to take a bite of her porridge. Just right! When Sandra discovers that Celia has claimed her bed, she is not amused. She notes that there are only 12 beds in the house, and everyone seems shocked despite the fact that this happens EVERY SEASON in hopes that something interesting will actually happen in the first episode. Sandra tells Celia that she's just going to keep the bed that she picked. And you know, as much of a pill as Sandra is, Celia's prize was to pick her bed FIRST, and not to take the bed of her choice after everyone else had already claimed one. The verdict is: they're both bitches. Aminat interviews that she's trying to understand why Sandra is such a wanker. Why is the sky blue, Aminat? Why is the Goddess of Fierce bewigged? Why do you have a silent "t" at the end of your name? Sandra asks Celia if she will share her bed and Celia's all, "We'll figure it out later." However, she interviews that she's absolutely not going to be rolled over by Sandra. Like Tom Petty before her, Celia won't back down.

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America's Next Top Model

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