America's Next Top Model
What The Divas Are Doing Now

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What The Divas Are Doing Now

We cut back to Tyra, who is suddenly wearing a pirate shirt made out of doilies. Seriously, what just happened there? It is slipping off of one shoulder, and has the effect of making her look like she is wearing either a straitjacket or a muumuu. She is just too damn wide for my 20" TV. She tells us that, throughout the night we'll be checking in on Eva's journey. Oh, thank you, great and generous Tyra, and please enjoy another slice of lard pie. But now we get a chance to check in with Eva's former competitors. Yay!

First up is Ann, "the tough but vulnerable girl whose rivalry with Eva almost destroyed their friendship." In other words, "the ass-crazy lesbian." We flash back to the casting special, when Ann was still pretty and confident, and she and Eva toast to being the top two. Tyra says that Ann is the perfect example of classic good looks that the camera just couldn't capture, but that Ann never quit. We then see present-day Ann, who is back to being a brunette and looking really pretty. She's still ass-crazy, though. She looks into the camera and addresses Eva: "First Eva, Miss Eva Diva, I am proud of you, and..." She starts to tear up. She says, "We have worked things out, and I just want you to know that I support you in everything you do." LIES #6, 7, and 8! Seriously, if they're such great friends, why doesn't she tell Eva this in person? There is footage of Ann at the finale party, her boobies proudly on display. She and Eva, who seems kind of coked up, look into the camera and announce that they are still friends. Yeah, and so are Portia and Francesca. Nobody's buying it, you two. LIE #9!

Ann says that the whole experience of Top Model was amazing, and blah blah blah, and they are handed so many great things, and Ann is so thankful (LIE #10!). She says that a pool or other body of water is like a second home to her. Does Eva's honey pot count? Elaine Markley -- Ann's mom, who is quite lovely, I may add -- says that Ann's love of sports began with water polo. Ann says that being an athlete gave her the attitude of, "okay, I'm gonna mess you up," and we flash back to her threatening to knock out Jennipher. Man, that was an awesome moment. Ann's mom says that Ann has had to learn to be tough, which has served her well and made her a competitor. But alas, love fells even the bravest of warriors, which is the only explanation for the quivering mess that was Ann whenever Eva was near. Ann says that she thought modeling would be easy, but that it was actually hard. We flash back to Ann's awesome body in her swimsuit, and Kate Dillon (so pretty!) saying that she doesn't think Ann is photogenic, and Tyra replying that she doesn't know what to do with Ann's face and body. We see Broken Shell of Ann from the end of the season. She says that she won't be torn down, and that it's not about failing because she didn't win, but about making it to the fourth-place spot, which was the best that she could do at the time. She's coming across pretty well, I have to say.

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America's Next Top Model

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