America's Next Top Model
What The Divas Are Doing Now

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What The Divas Are Doing Now

Amanda tells us that she's going to New York to do "the agency thing" and find out who wants her. She pretends that she's going to pack Eli in her suitcase, and he giggles. Amanda tells us, and we see, that when she was leaving for New York, Eli wouldn't say goodbye to her, which hurt her a lot. Oh, the manipulative ways of the two-year-olds! Seriously, they're like evil geniuses. You think that they don't know what they're doing, but they're totally out to burn you and make you feel like a douche. In New York, Amanda wears a floppy brown hat and rides the subway for the first time. They never rode the subway the whole time they filmed the show? That is just wrong. She goes to appointments, and seems to have some semblance of hope. Which is more of a delusion than a lie.

Amanda sits in a park and gets off of a phone call, and tells us that Eli is sick and coughing, which makes her feel like she should be home, because he needs her. Well, not to judge, but he kind of might, which is something she might have thought about before going on the show in the first place. Not that I wouldn't want to get away from my whining brat for a while too, if I had one, but I'm just saying. Amanda says that what's most important to her right now is being with her son, and that she doesn't want to leave him for months on end (AGAIN) just to "maybe make some money, and be in some, you know, magazines and pictures and stuff." Well, if you call the Newport News catalog a magazine, then good for you, honey. Also, LIES #12 and 13! She says she just wants to be happy right now, and what's going to make her happy is being with her son. And I'm sure that nobody in this segment, like, is fronting just because they've finally realized they have no chance at a successful modeling career or anything. I'm sure it's all about the loving of the child. LIE #14! Amanda feeds Eli and tries to get him to say "I love you" again. "I..." says Amanda. "I..." repeats Eli. "Love..." says Amanda. "...[Burp]" says Eli. "That's my boy!" says Amanda. Back in the New York Park of Broken Dreams, Amanda looks in the camera and tells Eli that she's coming home, and that she loves him. She then turns away from the camera and cries some more. Well, that was uplifting. Commercials.

When we return, Tyra notes that, for the first time in Top Model history, there were two African-American women in the final. They were the best of the bunch (LIE #15!), she tries to convince us, with their brains, beauty, incredible photos, and magnetic personalities. Yaya's personality is magnetic in the way that a thirty-five-pound goiter is magnetic. Eva emerged as the winner, of course, but, Tyra tells us, "There was no doubt that the fashion world would find room for Miss Yaya, too." Fucking Yaya.

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America's Next Top Model

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