America's Next Top Model
Where The Girls Are

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Bring On Some Fresh Meat, Already

Next we see Season 2's Mercedes of lupus fame. We flash back to Mercedes losing and being very sad. Now she's in Hollywood and has been working as an actress and a catalogue model. She says she's traveled to San Francisco to do a shoot with Mervyns. I do not know what that is. ["It's a discount clothing department store in California, at about the same level as Kohl's." -- Wing Chun] She's also been in a national Sears commercial. Mercedes drives a car. She is pursuing acting. Her "mother agency" is New Model Management. She is not quite as cute as she used to be, but she's still pretty cute. She says that you just have to be optimistic, and then you book work. Or, you die beaten-down and impoverished in some random motel room. Mercedes has done guest spots on UPN shows, including All Of Us, and she's working on a film called Unemployed. That's a likely story. It's like when my mom asked me, "Potes, are you gay?" and I said, "Mom, I thought I told you: I'm working on a film called I Like To Make It With Girls." And now what we've all been waiting for, the lupus update. Remember how Janice totally loved Mercedes after she said she had lupus? Mercedes is the Lupus Foundation of America's spokesperson, and says that she uses her exposure to get funding for education, awareness, and research. See, that's good stuff. Mercedes feels successful and says she's independent, sexy, and free.

Next is Season 4's Brittany. And I have to confess to you that every time I write the season that the girl is from, I totally start to write "Cycle" and then have to erase it. You may have infiltrated my mind, Top Model, but you will not prevail! We get footage of wild and crazy Brittany exposing various body parts to her fellow contestants and strangers (too many to link). She says that she loves living in L.A. Brittany is totally being shot through cheesecloth or that lens that they filmed Cybill Shepherd with on Moonlighting or something. She's all fuzzy. She says that she worked during L.A. Fashion Week for both Frederick's of Hollywood and J. Lo. And you said she couldn't do couture! Brittany went back to South Africa with Von Dutch, and also had a guest role on UPN's Love, Inc. She says that things have been good so far, and that she just has to keep working. She goes on a casting for GenLux magazine, which she seems to pronounce as "Gran Lux." It appears to go okay. Brittany then tells us that Top Model definitely helped out her love life: her boyfriend is Burton from Survivor. And I have to confess that I have no idea who that is. If Brittany were to date according to my knowledge of Survivor, she'd be all, "I'm dating Ethan Zohn from Survivor." And the only reason I know Ethan Zohn is because he went to my college, where it was widely rumored that he had chronic gingivitis. ["She could do worse than Burton if she's dating from the ex-Survivor pool: he looks like Eric Bana." -- Wing Chun] Brittany goes to a swimwear shoot where the photographer says, "Nice body." She does, indeed, have a nice body. She also, it is no surprise, is still kind of a lush. But only after a day of hard work. She says that her personality hasn't changed, and that she's the same goofy, crazy girl that she's always been. We end with that great muddy photo of her.

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America's Next Top Model

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