America's Next Top Model
Where The Girls Are

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Bring On Some Fresh Meat, Already

Tyra tells us that there's another Top Model who's new to the L.A. scene and who is, in fact, still getting used to being called "the winner." Yes, it is Season 5's Nicole. A shaggy Nicole says that she's having fun and wants to continue to model as long as she can. Jay says that Nicole was the perfect choice, because she looks like all the real top models of the moment. We see little-kid pictures of Nicole, interspersed with the boring wasteland that is South Dakota. How can this little girl with big dreams ever get out of Magnanimous Teaspoons and become a real live fashion model? When Tyra Banks becomes involved, anything is possible.

Nicole says that her family has been great and supportive. And then she goes on to tell us that her sister Jamie is one of her best friends in the world. Ummm...okay. Don't cry to us about how your mom likes your sister better and you were never good enough because of the fucking sister that you obviously hate and then try to switch the story. Her sister says that she thinks Nicole is the most beautiful girl in the world, and her mom says that she's very glad that Nicole won. She notes that Nicole has a lot of "personality." Nice passive-aggressive add-in, mom! Nicole's father says that they had a family bet going on about Nicole's chances. Her mom is apparently out some serious cash.

Nicole flies from Grand Forks to L.A. She says that she'll miss her family, and especially her sister. But not that much! Because she loves L.A., with its weather and its Beverly Hills shopping and its golf. Apparently Nicole is a golfer. Who knew? Nicole has a shoot with Ford to fill up her book. She's become a stronger person having to be on her own and work and blah blah blah. She looks not as pretty as she did when she was on the show, which seems to be a common phenomenon for Top Model winners. But we'll get to Naima a little later. Nicole goes to New York to do an eyewear shoot for Cover Girl. So now Cover Girl is in the business of attending to our optical health? Great. Nicole feels blessed and lucky, and says it's exciting for her to see herself in magazines. Tyra tells us that if we're wowed by that, we should wait until later, when we will see Nicole rock Paris.

It is almost time for a commercial. But before we go, Tyra tells us that they got some of the Season 5 girls together to answer scripted questions which they pick out of a hat. Guess they had a break from filming the thousand episodes of The Tyra Banks Show that they're always on. The girls are Lisa, Bre, Cassandra, Sarah, and Kim. And you know that Sarah and Kim are seated uncomfortably next to one another. I'm just waiting for Tyra to run in and once again start trying to get Sarah to confess that she is actually a lesbian and still in love with Kim. Kim gets the question, "Who had the most bizarre behavior on the show?" That is a tough one, given the preponderance of crazy bitches last season. Everyone looks at Lisa, who says that the house was so intense that it drove her crazy, and that she at least had to entertain herself. Cut to vintage Lisa footage with bubbles and drunkenness (again, too many incidents for one link) and funny glasses. Lisa thought that she was so much fun, and doesn't understand why everybody hated her. She turns to the other girls to verify that she's nice, and Cassandra says that Lisa is crazy but not mean. There's a ringing endorsement for you. Lisa, who is totally drunk, tells us that she did a show for Sebastian's International, and got to fly on a swing over the whole Kodak Theater, which she loved, probably because she got to spit on people from way up high.

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America's Next Top Model

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