America's Next Top Model

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Slaughterhouse Jive
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on ANTM: Barbiegate! Also known as, "Your-ass-is-bigger-than-mine-gate." The girls had surprise makeovers, and looked either marginally better or substantially worse as they posed for Elle MacPherson's lingerie line. Allison was stiff when she posed, and kind of entitled when she appeared before the judges, so she got the boot. Eleven bitches remain!

We begin in the limo taking the girls home from elimination. Dominique tells all the girls that don't like her and wanted her to go that they can cry, because she's there for another week. Whitney, in her bright pink coat, just says, "Oh, she talks. Oh man." Dominique confessionalizes something nonsensical, about how she was in the bottom two but was also put up on a pedestal. She says it was the best frickin' top two that ANTM has ever had. No, Dominique. It's only the best bottom two America's Next Top Model has ever had if Tyra flips her wig because she's never in her life screamed at a girl like this. Trust.

Back in the house, Fatima and Amis tell Lauren that the judges love her already, and just want to see her push it a little. Lauren reminds us that she got called first at panel. However, she has to work on her confidence. She says that she's a punk girl, but she's also a woman and, she hopes, beautiful. Aw. You can try to hide your beauty all you want in those knit caps and dirty Converse, Lauren, but we'll still see it. Amis puts on an Elmer Fudd hat and starts being silly, and Fatima says under her breath, "Stupid." She thinks that Amis is a joke, and wonders if being a model is what she really wants. Amis draws an anchor tattoo on herself, and Marvita says it looks like a butt crack. Fatima is again forced to say, "Stupid" under her breath. Can we please have a Top Model All-Stars with Fatima and Lisa? Pretty please?

Tyra Mail! "Turn up the heat, or you'll get hosed." Claire wonders if they're going to do a shoot on a fire truck. When I think of fire trucks, I always think of popcorn balls. Anyone? The girls do indeed head to the fire station, and they see some firemen sliding down a pole and getting into their fire gear. Sirens wail, and then we see the best pole slider of all -- Miss J. Turns out this is a firehouse runway teach. Firemen can do quick changes, just like models at a fashion show! Well NOW it all makes sense. The girls get 90 seconds to change into some outfits that are laid out for them. Aimee tells us that she definitely has conservative morals and beliefs, so isn't all that happy about stripping down in front of everyone. Respecting her level of comfort, the editors treat us to a big ole' shot of Aimee in her bra. With time up, J. inspects the girls and calls out Fatima for not wearing the shoes given to her. She tells Miss J. that she likes her own snakeskin shoes. He's a little pissed and tells her to put on the damn shoes before he slaps her. Some of that is actually subtext.

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America's Next Top Model

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