America's Next Top Model

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Slaughterhouse Jive

The girls change backstage. Poor Amis has a big ole' hole in her bra. I mean, you'd suspect, but I still feel for her. Miss J., wearing a fancy suit, kicks off the show, which is actually in a cool cathedral-looking space and is attended by what appears to be an actual audience. None of whom are on stilts! This is progress. Stacy-Ann opens the show in a gorgeous dress, and fully works it. Whitney is next in a bathing suit, and notes that she was sabotaged by the quick change. Halfway down the runway she realizes that a boob is out. Her strategy is not to look down, so that maybe the rest of the audience won't notice. Rule number one of life is that people always notice a boob. Lauren is next, and Jaslene actually gasps at how terrible she is. She walks really fast and forgets to pose at the end of the runway. Miss J. asks aloud where she's going. His tutelage was in vain.

Katarzyna wears a dress that I covet and works it. Fatima is up next, and has buttoned up her little sweater all wrong. Otherwise, she thinks everything is perfect, but in reality she's walking too fast and J. wants to chop her head off. Dominique wears a sequined trench coat, Marvita works a caftan that is the envy of Bea Arthurs everywhere, Anya looks extra alienesque, and Amis tells us that walking on the runway is an "outer body experience." Miss J. laughs at her, and he can't even hear her narration!

Backstage, Ann and Jaslene give the girls their critiques. Fatima had the sweater button mishap. Ann says that she could tell that Aimee is very sweet. I hope Ann never has to pee when it's Aimee's turn in the shower. Jaslene tells Katarzyna that she was great. She has to follow this compliment up with a dagger, though, and asks Lauren if she wants to be there and if she wants to be a model. Lauren answers affirmatively to both questions, but Jaslene tells her that it appeared that she didn't even want to be on the runway. Additionally, she sucked. A crying Lauren interviews that she was insulted that Jaslene thought she didn't want to be there. She quite rightly points out that any sane person wouldn't put up with all the trifling shit that she's had to put up with otherwise.

Ann announces that the winner of the challenge is Katarzyna. Yay! Eastern Europe, represent! Katarzyna gets to pick two friends to share in her prize, and chooses Amis and Marvita. Marvita, as one might guess, is juiced. We travel with Katarzyna, Amis and Marvita to their photo shoot for Lot 29. Those are some hella-ugly clothes. Unless, of course, you are a fan of silver lame leggings.

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America's Next Top Model

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