America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 1160 USERS: B-
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Hair Apparent

Jay introduces the girls to their team captains -- gentlemen who go by the names of Weaven' Steven and Derek J. They are stylists, and are known for making outfits completely out of hair. Alasia wonders exactly where all this hair came from. Locks of Hate, I'm assuming. Jay tells Weaven' and Derek to pick their teams, and Derek says, "Ladies first." Weaven' thinks this is a hot mess. It suits him. Derek does actually pick first, and takes Alasia, Alexandra and Jessica. This means that Weaven' is left with Anslee, Krista, Raina and Angelea.

The girls head to get done up, and Vincent Oquendo helps with the makeup. It is appropriately garish. A little trash talk begins, and the hair dresses are brushed, braided, and tousled as necessary. Angelea says, "Oh my God. That's a lot of hair. Wow. And it stinks." Apparently it's the glue that makes everything stink so bad. Angelea says it smells like "straight up mmm-mmmm." And nothing smells worse than mmm-mmmm. It's like cowpies and vomit with a side of rotten egg, spritzed with Britney Spears' Fantasy parfum. Even Weaven' says it smells like ass.

Jessica is up first, looking a whole lot like Pebbles Flintstone. She starts jumping, and the other girls do their best to heckle her. She says that it's hard to do things with people yelling at you, but seems to persevere. Jay reminds her to have grace and elegance. She's trying to pose in the air, and Jay says that in her shots her head was either too far back, or she was really stiff. Next up is Angelea, and she fully has a pasty made of hair. I think there's even a little braid in the middle of it. She sort of sways back and forth, and Jay tells her she looks like she's modeling a shag rug. He wants her to bring fashion back into it. Alasia says that Home Depot called and said they want their carpet back. Does that even make any sense? I don't think it does. Angelea looks really crazy as she poses, but Jay assures us that she got some stunning photographs.

Raina is next, with sort of an auburn hair shrug on her shoulders. Jay says that she's pretty, and the other girls scream a lot louder. We get no real commentary from Jay on her performance, so I'm guessing she once again did just fine. Next we have Anslee, who says that she's going to listen to Mr. Jay, but put her own stern, soulless spin on his direction. She tries to whip around the large panel of hair attached to her rear, and Jessica yells that she looks like a two-cent whore. Not particularly witty, but from the heart. Derek shows Jessica how it's done as he tells Anslee that her dress looks like it's made of pubic hair. It is pretty curly. Jay wants Anslee's performance to feel more effortless. The others yell, "Dreckitude!" in unison. Jessica is particularly enjoying the heckling bit. Jay says that Anslee tends to forget about her body positioning, and adds that he doesn't think she understands the true essence expected of a top model.

America's Next Top Model

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