This week, drama between the girls takes center stage as we learn that the contestants are split into two factions. On the one side are the "real" girls: Alasia, Angelea, Anslee, and Krista. And… haven't all those bitches had huge, finger-waving, frozen veggie-baiting fights with each other in multiple combinations since the season began? On the other side are the "fake" girls: Jessica, Brenda, and Raina. You may recall that there's another contestant, Alexandra, who apparently is too boring for either group to claim. They scream at each other in the limo, in the kitchen, in their bedrooms, into the camera during confessionals. Basically it's kind of like watching an episode of The Real Housewives of New York.
The contestants head to their teach, and are late because Alasia's alarm didn't go off and she couldn't bear to leave the house without a shower. That is the story of me, every day, so I can't fault her for it. Miss J. and Ann Shoket take the girls to the Seventeen closet and give them a little lesson about dressing for their body types. Alasia fails to realize that having any boobs at all makes you "curvy" in the fashion industry. The girls all get to keep the clothes they chose to illustrate what they learned. Later, they have a challenge where they must get dressed up (for their body type!) and go to a fancy party for socialite slash entrepreneur slash CW reality star Tinsley Mortimer, who has a handbag collection. The girls are instructed to chat it up with the party guests and with Tinsley, to show off their personalities. This is a tall order for some. Alasia in particular looks gorgeous but shows a surprising lack of self-confidence, and gets very awkward. Tinsley tells her to stop being weird and touching her hair so much. In the end, fake girl Jessica manages to win yet another challenge and chooses fellow fake girls Brenda and Raina to partake in a photo shoot for Seventeen.
The photo shoot this week has the girls posing as "New York women" on a moving subway car -- they are given such personas as an actress, artist, fashionista, and model on a go-see. This last one is particularly unrealistic. There's a visit from last season's petite winner, Nicole, who dutifully shills for that smoky eye crayon that Cover Girl has been pushing. Angelea has had a confidence infusion, and her "fashionista" photo is named best of the week. Jessica's photo is okay, but her attitude at panel -- where she comes off as an ugly-shoe-defending know-it-all -- does not please the judges. She manages to squeak by, but with a lecture. Alasia is weird and giggly throughout her shoot, and Jay tells her she doesn't even have one good photo that he can show Tyra. She lands in the bottom two along with Brenda, who looks old and is just kind of annoying in general. Only one of these girls has been told by Andre Leon Talley that she can hang in his salon, and she's the one who makes it through to another week. Brenda is given the boot, and a ticket home where she can spend the next three years growing out her haircut.
Previously on America's Next Top Model: The girls had to create some sparks with Mr. Nigel Barker, who was acting as a "shy model." Angelea did her patented Hammer dance, while Jessica was like a video on the dangers of sexual harassment. The girls worked the fake and the funk at their photo shoot, which was like a PSA on the dangers of buying designer knockoffs. Tatianna was something like a model knockoff herself, so was sent back to whatever dank basement where she drains bodies of their blood on a volunteer basis. Eight bitches remain!
We begin in the limo, where Angelea is excited to have had been called second for two weeks in a row. However, she wants a best-of-week photo. There's only one way to do this, she tells us: take these bitches out. Alasia also seems like she's pretty happy, though she tells us that growing up in the hood/ghetto/projects, she had a problem with her self-esteem. The stank always comes from pain, doesn't it? Alasia says she's gaining confidence in the competition. Being a model is her biggest dream, and she's not going to let anybody -- including herself -- stand in the way of that. Alasia is sometimes surprisingly wise. ALT totally tapped into that in week one, when he saw her arm dangling across the crack of her bare ass in a photo and wanted to hang her in his salon.
As Angelea continues to be excited as hell, Raina asks if it's weird for her to have another empty bed in her room. Angelea points out that it's not America's Next Top Models plural. There can only be one. Basically, she could give a fraction of two shits when someone goes home. Raina, with a little stink in her voice, says she wasn't asking if Angelea liked it or not, she was asking if it's weird. Angelea, with a little stink in her face, says no. Krista interviews that she, Angelea, Anslee, and Alasia are straightforward, and are "the realest people in the house." On the other side are "people who need each other." Ah, the fools who value human relationships! They will certainly perish in a nuclear apocalypse, creating a super-race of Amazonian creatures who will take a bitch out as soon as they ask her the time. Anyway, the opposing faction includes Brenda, Raina, and Jessica. Alexandra is not mentioned, and to be honest the first time I watched this episode I completely forgot that she existed until the photo shoot came around. That can't be good. Krista says, "We don't get along, y'all. The house is definitely, definitely divided." Jesus and Abraham Lincoln both foretold what would come of this, and it isn't pretty. Thank goodness there were no confessional booths in biblical times or during the Civil War. "General Grant is getting on my damn nerves! I'm about to pop him -- with a musket!"