America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | 975 USERS: C+
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Hellcats

Monique knows immediately that this is going to be a pain in the ass. She tells us that Alexandria always comes off bitchy, but doesn't seem to realize it. Alexandria swears to us that she's not going to be bossy or anything, and then proceeds to edit the perfectly serviceable lines that Molly has written. Even worse, she wants to change the lines to stuff like, "I dash on a sheer, natural looking blush," and, "I feather my eyes." Very natural and conversational! I'm feathering my eyes right now, in fact, while I dash off this recap! Molly, whose itchy weave is causing her to suffer even fewer fools than normal, hands over the notepad and tells her that if she's going to write the whole thing anyway, she should just go for it. Alexandria protests that she's not the writer, and Molly wordlessly encapsulates the communal feeling about Alexandria by rolling her eyes all the way back in her heads so that only the whites are visible, pointing finger-guns at each side of her head, and pulling the thumb triggers.

Writer Kasia and director Brittani seem to work well together as Mikaela, who is the talent for their team, gets done up in a nighttime/red carpet look. Dalya, Jaclyn, and Hannah are a team, and in their concept Dalya, who is the talent, wants to impress a dude at a party. She has to impress him with her eyes. It's called smizing, my friend. Hannah is the director, and has a very serious conversation with Vincent about Smoky Shadow Blast. Jaclyn is the writer. Hannah says that her team is the best, however they're a little worried given Dalya's problems emoting during the Fierce Roast Coffee commercial. They've decided to keep it very casual and conversational by not having a script, but rather outlining some key points that Dalya needs to mention. Letting the models improv is a tried and true method for either hilarity or cringe-worthy failure. In this case, it seems like it will be the latter.

With fifteen minutes left, Monique tries to go over some notes with Alexandria. Alexandria snits back, "Can you just let me practice, please?" Monique is frustrated that she can't even direct Alexandria without getting the stankitude. Molly and Monique, obviously annoyed, sit on the floor while Alexandria implores them all to be a team. Molly tells her that they're trying, but she won't let them. Alexandria whines that she's just trying to learn her lines, and the others are supposed to be doing their jobs too. Molly notes that every time they try to ask Alexandria something or talk to her about the script she tells them to shut up because she's learning her lines. They really don't "get" her at all, do they? Alexandria's response is that the director and writer should be doing their jobs, and Monique is like, "Seriously, ho?" Jaclyn points out that Molly, Monique and Alexandria were fighting like dogs and cats. She is very glad not to be on that team. I think we're all glad that she's not on that team either. Any chip off of the super-sized sugar cube that is Jaclyn is a dark moment for humanity.

America's Next Top Model

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