Hey, it's the episode where Tyra photographs the girls! Coming at least a month early, and maybe two. But I'm getting ahead of myself. The girls first get a lesson in time-sensitive makeup from Sam Fine, since they might have to dash off to a casting call at any second. He tells them that concealer, bronzer, mascara and gloss are all you need. They then head to Wal-Mart, as you do when you've just learned an important beauty lesson, where they meet up with Nigel and his wife, Crissy. They have a challenge in which they must create a perfect "model basic" look by tromping through stations set up at Wal-Mart's clothing, shoes, makeup and photo departments. At each station there are fewer items than girls, so some bitches are eliminated along the way. Only the first three girls to cross the finish line get judged by Nigel and Crissy -- these are Bianca, Sundai and Erin. There's some controversy around Erin, who pushes and shoves and grabs her way through the race, and also goes so far as to toss Ashley's model comp card photo (which she has to pick up at the last station before crossing the finish line) on the floor. Though it's Sundai who wins this challenge (and a photo on Wal-Mart's website along with a $1,000 gift certificate), Erin still vows to do whatever it takes to be the ultimate victor.
The girls are mucho excited and nervous when they discover that Tyra will be photographing them this week. She'll be doing a beauty shot -- an important genre for shrimpy models -- that features the girls wearing scarves on their heads. And then, twist! Tyra and Jay will determine on-set which girl had the strongest photo for the week, and that girl will have immunity from elimination. It's just the first step in Tyra bypassing the judges entirely, which we all should have expected. At the shoot, Laura proves herself to be a model who needs wind, Sundai learns to relax her lips, Jennifer pulls her own hair and screams, Brittany's covered face results in her best shot to date, Bianca once again leans on Jesus, Rae produces an angelic photo, Kara does nothing but rely on her DNA, Erin knows how to model but fails as a human being, Nicole has talent but also a strange resemblance to Gollum in the hands, and Ashley fails in two different outfits. Common denominator in that failure? Her. Brittany gets the best photo of the week and corresponding immunity, and also gets to do a photo shoot for Tyra's website featuring two "models that Tyra discovered," also known as boytoys. The other girls are visibly not happy for her. At panel, the judges crack up at the mention of Laura's grandma Wanda Sue, who makes all of her clothing. You might think that they're just anti-yokel, but the fact is that grandma Wanda Sue makes some questionable design choices. Let's just say that Tim Gunn would be very concerned. Jennifer, Rae, Nicole and Erin all join Brittany at the top of the heap, while Ashley and Bianca land in the bottom two. Third time's a charm as Bianca is finally ousted.
Previously: The girls shrimpiness was exaggerated as they marched down the runway next to some real live glamazons. In their photo shoot, they were challenged to stretch themselves as much as possible without actually taking a turn in the taffy puller. 5'7" Lulu was one of the tallest girls in the competition, but couldn't work those extra inches. She was sent home. Ten bitches remain!
The girls return home after last week's photo shoot and find Kara's best-of-week photo displayed digitally in the house. She points out that her boob is about to bust out of her dress, which proves that good things come in small packages. Kara's excited that the photo will be there every day to remind her how awesome she is, at least until someone else's photo is displayed to remind her how terrible she is. A few girls sit down to eat, and Brittany is asked if it's terrifying to be in the bottom two. She says that it's absolutely not fun. Erin confessionalizes that Brittany has won a million challenges, and adds a bitchy, "Look how the mighty have fallen." She says that Brittany now knows where she stands. I'd say she stands in the position of someone who's been consistently awesome but had a bad week, and will soon likely be awesome again. Erin's eyebrow bleach clearly seeped into her brain at some point, which was probably an improvement.
Ashley, meanwhile, misses her only friend, Lulu. Now she has no one to parrot her catty comments about the others, so will probably shut up. Ashley tells us that she's had absolutely no modeling experience, but can't allow herself to just give up. In fact, she intends to win. A radical intention, I know. Ebony, meanwhile, has triumphed by not being in the bottom two! Way to set a low standard and manageable goals. In a similar vein, I sometimes put "get out of bed" on my to-do list, just to feel a sense of accomplishment when I wake up at noon. Ebony finally succeeded in having a softer face, thanks to the power of Jesus. She says that she's learning and has showed progress, and wants to stick around and show that she can get even better, and/or that this was just a lucky fluke.
Tyra Mail! "Sometimes you only have a minute to make a second impression." The girls don't even have time to blindly conjecture, as we cut immediately to them heading off the next day to meet with Sam Fine, makeup artist to such celebrities as Iman and Tyra herself. Bianca is a fan. Sam tells the girls that he can't stress enough the importance of knowing how to do your own makeup. If they get a casting call -- which, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- they'll have to know how to put their best face forward, and quick. One of Tyra's favorite looks, you might recall from seasons past, is a smoky eye. This leads to the high-fashion smoky smize that designers covet. Sam uses Laura as a guinea pig, and puts some loose powder under her eye and concealer on her eyelid, and smudges on some brown shadow. Voila, smoky eye! She looks like she's been punched in the face by a cow testicle, but is undeterred, saying, "All girls need to know basics to makeup and ev'rythang. It was really enjoyment." "It was really enjoyment" is totally my new catchphrase when anything makes me happy. "Did you see on the news that Super Smize got run over by a Mack truck?" "It was really enjoyment!"