Episode Report Card
Strega: D+ | Grade It Now!
Wes: Mostly Armless

...The Conduit's waiting room. Cordy's just in time to hear Angel yelling that Cordy is "a rich girl from Sunnydale who likes to play superhero! She doesn't have what it takes to do this!" The Conduit mutters, and Angel shouts, "Stop whispering and listen to me! Dammit!" Bwah ha ha! That's just a funny line. I don't know why. "Stop whispering!" Heh. Cordy, naturally, is hurt to hear Angel talking about her that way, and by "naturally" I mean...oh, who cares any more? Are TPTB manipulating her, or is it just the writers? Does it matter? Cordy quickly asks Skip if they can leave, and they vanish before Angel whines that Cordy might be in pain. He snuffles, "I'm more afraid of her dying than she is." Well, yeah, because she's unconscious. He adds, "What is that?" Is he talking to himself about what he just said? That's worse than Cordy talking to people who can't hear her.

Back in the mall, Cordy tells Skip that she'll accept his offer. Zoom in on Cordy, then pull back as an announcer introduces "the two-time Emmy-winning star of our show, the gal with the million-dollar smile, Cordelia Chase!" Cordy's wearing a shiny dress with a neckline that redefines cleavage, and behind her is a standard sitcom set. We see the crew and a wildly applauding audience as she grins and wonders if she can take a bow without falling out of her dress.

Credits. Sorry: Fake credits. The show is called Cordy!, and it looks like she plays a young fashion designer with a gang of madcap friends. Shots of Cordy spilling appetizers at a fancy-dress party, hitting people over the head with bouquets, turning cartwheels, and petting a big dog. It's wonderfully generic. The show was created by "Phlegmont and Mendoza," which also entertains me. Oh, and then there's the theme song: "This whole world is filled with laughter,/ You got my heart a little wired./ Yeah, you'll be hangin' from the rafters,/ Oooh, better stay a while." Catchy! Almost hypnotically so. And once again, fabulously nondescript. Why couldn't the show start with two full acts of the sitcom, just to freak everyone out, and then saved "It's a Wonderful Unlife" for the second half?

But no, Cordy! is already over. Cordy walks around with Ned, her flunky. She signs autographs, discusses her schedule, and insists on doing a breast-cancer PSA immediately despite her other commitments. Great. Even in the alternate world she's unselfish. Cordy has a nagging feeling that she's forgotten something, and abandons her adoring fans. While walking on, she tries to think of a word starting with "Hyper." She guesses hypothermia, and Ned immediately gets on the phone and orders a tub of ice water. Cordy nixes that, then wonders, "Hyperbaric?" Ned orders an oxygen tent. And then cancels it, too, when Cordy finally declares, "Hyperion!" Ned agrees to book her a room, and as Cordy strolls off, he asks, "Without security? Without an entourage of me?" Heh. I like Ned, too. There was so much more fun to be had with this, I don't know why they teased us with five minutes of it.

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