Harmony walks into the office just in time to see Angel chopping Eli's head off with a sword. The head rolls to a stop at Harmony's feet. Angel asks her to "get that cleaned up."
Aaaaand credits. Finally. That teaser was almost seven minutes long! Phew. While reading the rest of this recap, see if you can tell what my New Year's Resolution is. And see if you can predict how quickly I'll break it.
When we return, some suits are carrying Eli's body away. Angel and Gunn are standing by Harmony's desk so that she can ask why they beheaded the accountant. Angel says he didn't like what Eli was doing after work, and Harmony protests until Gunn clarifies that Eli was dismembering virgins. Harmony argues, for some reason, that "A person's religious beliefs is [sic] no cause for --" Gunn interrupts, "He did it for his own amusement." She asks if a stern warning might have helped. How stupid is Harmony supposed to be? I don't get this conversation. Angel snits, "Nobody in this office gets away with murder. Not anymore." Except the good guys.
Cary, Wesley, and Fred walk over and see a suit carrying Eli's head away. Fred is wearing another miniskirt which seriously ends four inches above her knee. She looks like she wandered out of a Catholic school for wayward teens. Gunn quips that "terminating an employee" is the hardest part of the job. And then Spicule wanders in. Oh...boy, it's Spicule! Hooray! He's also got a little cut on his forehead from the fight with Angel, which just makes him that much more attractive because scars are so hot. Also, I think it's nice that they're being consistent about how completely inconsistent vampire healing abilities are. Fred says, "Where have you been? It's been days." It's a shame we couldn't have had an episode or two with Spicule gone. I mean, sure, the episodes would have been a lot less interesting without Spicule there to insert some much-needed snark, and plus it might have been difficult to follow the story if he wasn't there to mention that Angel is in charge of a large company and has a lot of cool cars as a result. But it would have been revealing to see how much the MoG miss him and depend on him, and it would have proved that the show just isn't the same without him. Anyway, Spicule tells Fred he's been "enjoying freedom from [his] ghostly confines." Which means he's been on a bender. Not the robot. And suddenly a new subset of crossover slash fiction is born. At least I hope it's new. Spicule says he dropped by for "final farewells." Wesley asks, "You're leaving?" and Spicule pauses to admire Wesley's brilliant deductive reasoning before explaining that someone is waiting for him. Wesley doesn't think it's a good idea for Spicule to leave with the Shanshu prophecy still unresolved. Shut up, Wesley. Spicule says that Angel's welcome to the "heroic destiny," because Spicule's got better things to do. Spicule starts to leave, but when Angel says, "Let him go," Spicule immediately spins back and asks Angel for a few hundred bucks for his travel expenses. Angel refuses, and Spicule calls Angel "a cheap sod." I collapse with laughter at the way he wittily punctures Angel's ego, so I almost miss it when Spicule goes on to say, "How 'bout some wheels?" Oh ho, that Spicule! See, instead of starting by asking for a car, and negotiating down for some cash, he actually asked for the more expensive thing after getting turned down for the cheaper thing! Angel falls for this Looney Tunes psychology, and says, "If it's gonna get you out of here faster, fine. Just not the Viper." Spicule quickly says he'll take the Viper. Here's another great thing about Spicule: suppose you have little kids, two or three years old. If they're gone for some reason, and you miss them, watching Spicule for a few minutes will probably make you miss them a lot less. Angel stomps back to the office, and Spicule calls after him, asking if there's a message for Buffy. Angel grumps, "Tell her you're a moron." Do you think he will? I mean, since he's all good and everything, wouldn't Spicule feel kind of obliged to pass on Angel's message? It would be even better if he tilted his head while saying, "Buffy, Angel told me to tell you that I'm a moron."