In The Dark

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In The Dark

This episode of Angel was the continuation of a special "crossover event" with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Before it aired, I wondered if I would need to spend time summarizing BtVS in order to bring readers up to speed on what happened. As it turned out, NOTHING HAPPENED. No, really. I love Spike more than you'll ever know, so I was committing this one to videotape, and forty-five minutes into BtVS, I hit rewind because it wasn't worth watching ever again. If you missed it, this is what you need to know: Spike found this ring that renders vamps unkillable -- immune from sunlight, crosses, and stakings. Buffy took it from him, and Oz agreed to take it to Angel since he was going to Los Angeles for a gig anyway. The End. Learning the information in those two sentences took an hour out of my life, and I'll never get it back. But it was all worth sitting through, just for the teaser on Angel. Really. So sit back, read on, and learn why.

A blonde wearing a wide blue choker is attacked by her abusive boyfriend in an alley. Angel pops out and beats the guy up. The girl, whose name is Rachel, thanks Angel. As they talk, our view changes to reveal my beloved Spike, watching from a rooftop. Spike proceeds to provide dialogue for Rachel and Angel's conversation since they are too far away to be overheard. To wit:

as Rachel: [in a flirty falsetto] How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night-thing?
as Angel: [in a manly cowboy drawl] No need, little lady; your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire, but love, and a pesky curse, defanged me. And now I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth.
[Rachel reaches toward Angel, who steps back and raises his arms]
still as Angel: No, not the hair, never the hair.
as Rachel: [she puts her hands on her hips in a provocative pose] But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.
as Angel: No! Helpin' those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificient poof is truly thanks enough.
as Rachel: I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
as Angel: Say no more! Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel I like SO much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!
As Our Hero and the Damsel In Distress exit, Spike reminds the audience that he wants to get the ring back, and while he's at it, kill Angel. The audience answers, "All right by us. But can we have Spike do the dialogue for an entire whole episode sometime?" And so the credits begin.

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