Angel
Judgment

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Judgment

Props to Las Vegas, and to the WB spies who infiltrated MBTV so that they could make this episode one gigantic shout-out to us. And props to Johanna for watching three hours of television with me last Tuesday, and letting me use her jokes.

The show opens with a green, horned, Tarantino-chinned demon stepping into the frame. He raises a microphone and sings the opening to "I Will Survive." All those ugly, bad, painful, "strange and off-putting" memories of the Buffy premiere are blotted out, because I just love this song. But before the chorus, the white-jacketed demon breaks into patter: "Oh, you know what I'm talking about. In this city, you'd better learn to get along, 'cause L.A.'s got it all." With occasional blipverts as visual punctuation, he tells the crowd that Los Angeles contains glamour, heartache, and "nasty, ugly, hairy fiends that suck out your brains through your face." He concludes: "You never know what's coming next. And let's admit it, folks...isn't that why we love it?" He intones, "I will survive / Hey, hey" as we fade out.

Cut to Cordy, who is asking, "But why, Johnny, why?" Johnny says it's over. Is there anybody out there who didn't know this was a scene Cordelia was playing? No? Didn't think so. Let's just skip to the part where the acting teacher tells Cordy, "This is exciting work," demonstrating her own impressive acting skills. I'm going to break with tradition and not complain about Cordy's shirt, only because I can't even figure out how to describe it. Cordy's beeper goes off, and she sees "911" on the display. "Duty calls," she says, and hurries out as the soundtrack blares into something like life.

Wesley is winning at darts in a bar. He's wearing a yellow sheer-and-shiny shirt, which even Xander wouldn't put on, over a white v-neck T-shirt. And he's attracting the attention of an attractive blonde extra. All you bachelors, the secret's out: nothing gets the babes like evidence that you've got nothing better to do than hang out in a bar for hours and hours practicing at darts. Oh, I just melt thinking about it. Anyway, cue Wesley's beeper, cue the non-physical non-comedy, and away we go.

Cordy and Wesley stride into a gym along with some big lummox dressed entirely in black. He looks familiar...wait, I'd know that hairdo anywhere! It's Angel! They stomp through the gym while an employee whines that it's a private club and they need a guest pass. Wesley says, "This seems a tad public for a Praetorian sacrifice." Angel replies, "It's a Carnyss demon and they love muscles and mirrors." The useless gym employee stops in the middle of threatening to call the police when he notices that Angel's reflection is absent from the mirror in front of them. Angel says, "I'll fix that," and kicks through the mirror. In a alcove behind the mirror are several bound captives and a few demons carrying various slice-and-dice implements. Cordy grabs a handy weight as Angel and Wesley make with the fisticuffs. Wesley manages to look competent in battle. Cordy drops the weight onto what we can probably assume is the head of an unconscious demon. That's just rude. The baddies are killed, the hostages are freed, Angel and the Ministers of Grace (Hamlet, I, iv, and yes, I was an English major) stride out in formation. Angel delivers a parting quip, but let's pretend he didn't, because the credits are rolling.

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Angel

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