Angel
Judgment

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Judgment

Cut to Jo, wandering down the middle of a street. Alert: Please don't go strolling down the middle of Los Angeles roadways. Even if you're not pregnant. This has been a public service announcement. Because darn it, I care about you. She pauses, and a recess in the architecture behind her is suddenly filled by a dais holding three seated figures. They're wearing black robes and have black hoods that cover everything but their eyes. So that's where the Gentlemen stay when they're not stealing hearts in the service of ill-explained evil. Jo looks to one side, and sees a knight on horseback coming down the road. I assume Terry Gilliam was wandering by the studio and suddenly took over the show. The knight approaches and tosses down his own talisman. What little we can see of his face under his helm is scaly and, of course, green. Ah. Demon Knight. Got it. "Where is your champion," asks one of the tribunal members. "He's dead," Jo answers, and asks for asylum. "Asylum is not ours to give," says the middle judge. At least, I assume it's the middle judge. It's hard to tell when their mouths are covered. On Doctor Who they always gave monsters lights or had them gesture a lot when they spoke to avoid this problem. Just a suggestion, Joss. So, somebody says, "Two are chosen to meet in combat. One can save your life, one can take it. This is the ancient law. Your life is forfeit. You have no champion." The knight dismounts and draws his sword. Then Angel throws down the second talisman with a clang.

As the combatants prepare, Jo tells Angel, "I really appreciate your coming through for us like this. But you know how you're not really good at anything?" I giggle, and have to rewind to hear her ask, "You sure you can do this?" Angel insists, "I can do this," and after Jo leaves, he tries to make nice with the black horse the tribunal has thoughtfully provided for him. "Try not to make me look stupid out there, okay?" he asks the horse. That should be "stupider," right? He gets astride the horse, picks up his tin-foil shield and a lance, and prepares to joust. Jousting is the official sport of Maryland, where I live. Yet another shout-out? One of the judges drops a red hanky, and the demon knight starts galloping down the road. Gallop, gallop, ker-thunk. Angel wallops the bad knight. "Grr," says the demon knight. They turn and charge again. Gallop, gallop, whammo! Angel is knocked off his horse. The demon knight tosses his spear away, pulls out a sword, and gallops back as Angel hurries to draw his own sword. Foul! Foul! The demon knight should dismount and finish the battle on foot. Instead, he charges and Angel knocks him off the horse with his own momentum. See, it's not just chivalrous to dismount; it's also common sense. Then they do battle, clang, clang, grunt, clang. At least no one shouts "Huzzah!" like they do every five minutes at the Excalibur. The demon knight does a neat move which results in Angel being stabbed in the belly with his own sword. Angel truly sucks. The very, very silly demon knight does not immediately cut off Angel's head to end his suffering, not to mention ours, but instead lets Angel drop to the ground and steps toward the tribunal. One of the judges says, "The champion is defeated. She and all her issue are yours."

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Angel

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