Just Rewards (2)

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Strega: D+ | Grade It Now!
Necromancing The Stone

Spicule wonders what's happened to him, while Wesley eyes the Amulet of Assitude on the floor. Harmony guesses that he's a ghost, which upsets him. Gunn asks, "Where he'd come from?" and Wesley picks up the amulet. Angel expositions that it's "something [he] gave to Buffy before..." Spicule immediately starts panting like the lapdog he is, and asks where Buffy is. Angel looks a bit shifty as he answers, "Europe. Last I heard from her." Johanna thinks that Angel is irked because Buffy wasn't keeping in better touch. Spicule goes on hyperventilating -- really, why is he doing that? -- and insists that he has to talk to Buffy, telling Angel, "You can't keep her from me!" Angel growls, "Look, she's a cookie that isn't done baking, and I'm not going to let you open the oven door and peek in until she's moist and delicious!" Spicule whines, "You got no idea what we had," and Angel gripes, "You never had her," and I think a better response would have been "I don't want to know!" Spicule says "More than you!" and then Harmony shrieks, "Oh! My! God!" She summarizes Buffy's relationship with Spicule quite nicely by saying "Ugh! That's just -- ugh!" and storming out. The rest of the MoG play expositional catch-up, and Gunn asks if Spicule is "a good vampire, like Angel." Angel insists that they're not at all alike, and Spicule agrees, before demanding to know what's happened to him.

Cut to the lab. Fred waves a Star Trek gadget over Spicule, who is hugging his chest so that his jacket is wrapped tightly around him. Cary tells Wesley that the story of the Slayer's romances would make a great movie. Too easy. Cary adds, "I see Depp and Bloom." I try to imagine Johnny Depp playing Angel. Then, just for kicks, I try to imagine David Boreanaz as Jack Sparrow. Finally, I try to imagine a monkey playing baseball, and that I can at least picture. Spicule asks Fred if she is "scanner-girl." She is, in the sense that her babbling can make people's heads explode. She explains about the science division, and Wolfram & Hart, and that Angel runs the place, and are we going to have to explain the premise every single week? Yes, Spicule needs to know all this background crap, but that doesn't mean that the scene in which it's explained to him has to happen on-screen! Fred technobabbles for a while and eventually explains that Spicule is kind of like a ghost, except that they can see him. How extremely helpful. Wesley suggests that Spicule's "essence" was held within the Amulet of Assitude, and asks if he felt anything unusual when his soul went all glowy or whatever. Spicule answers, "You mean my skin and muscle burning away from the bone? Organs exploding in my chest? Eyeballs melting in the sockets? No. No memory at all. Thanks for asking." Angel wonders how the amulet got out of the Hellmouth and into his mail. Fred wonders if The Powers That Be sent Spicule to them. It's not a very good gift. It's kind of like a fruitcake. Spicule grumbles about how "saving the sodding world" should be enough and that he deserves to rest. He's still got his coat wrapped tightly around him. Is he cold? Is he wearing an embarrassing T-shirt? I kept wondering about it until I decided it must be a plot point, but it's never mentioned by anyone. As Spicule goes on complaining, he gradually starts fading out. Fred interrupts to point this out, and Spicule looks down at his see-through body and says, "Oh, balls," and then vanishes. Hooray!

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