Episode Report Card
Shack: B | 1 USERS: B+
Wesley vs. Darth Burger

And now, Wesley. Okay, I have to stop giggling so I can recap this scene. Okay, so Wesley...hee. Okay, just a minute. So Wesley...hee. Dammit. I rewind back to Fred and Gunn's kiss, which puts my funny bone to sleep. Wesley is seeking out some coordinates on some hand-held GPS trinket. He stops and says, "This must be it," with a bit of confusion. We pan back to see that Wesley is standing in front of a fast-food drive-through speaker. The speaker is shaped like a giant hamburger with a face and arms and legs. The lights of the restaurant cut off and a couple of guys leave as Wesley mutters to himself that he was expecting a statue, but then realizes that a giant plastic burger does qualify, in some bizarre fashion. The two guys see Wesley talking to it and laugh at him as they walk away. You know, if I worked at a fast-food restaurant and saw somebody standing around talking to the speaker after we had closed, I'd call the police. After they're gone, Wesley pulls out a pouch and sprinkles some dirt, or herbs, or pixie dust, or whatever in front of the burger. Then he holds out his hands and asks some entity called Loa (and I'll take the forum posters' word for it that Loa is some sort of voodoo god) to accept his offering and "open the gates of truth." In a flash of light, electricity, and masterfully executed CGI effects, the burger statue begins to grow until it towers over Wesley. Its eyes glow a hellish orange color. Its happy smile turns into a sneer, and with a voice as deep as James Earl Jones's, it says, "How dare you call on the Loa!"

Wesley looks like he's about to crap his pants, but manages to hold himself together. He says that he comes in supplication and begs Darth Burger for answers to questions only he can reveal. Darth Burger points a finger at Wesley and tells him, "You have answers, human. You search now only for the questions." Darth Burger has a little bow tie, too. Hee. Wesley asks Darth if it's true that Angel will kill his son. Darth Burger's response -- and this is the important line of the episode -- is, "That the vampire will devour his son is certain. The dark question you harbor is only, 'When?'" It's pretty obvious, especially in print, that Darth Burger's response doesn't match Wesley's question. If this entire conflict ends up in some sort of muddled mess because it turns out Wesley has forgotten how to properly conjugate verbs in Babylonian or whatever and Darth Burger here decided just to mess with Wesley's head some more, I shall be very cross. Wesley denies that he wants to know when the prophecy will come true. He wants to know how to stop it. Darth Burger says it cannot be stopped. But you have a choice of side dishes. Just pick from the menu right there. Okay, he doesn't say that part.

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