Angel
Quickening

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Expecting...Very Little

In her office, Lilah pricks her finger, squeezes blood into an inkwell, and then uses it to sign her name on a contract. Hey, I didn't know she was working for MBTV now. As she finishes, a kid from the mailroom enters. His name is Cyril. Lilah puts the contract in a folder and asks Cyril to take it to "Penderhook down in Demon Resources." Cyril looks a bit like Henry from Dawson's Creek. What's weirder is that he looks a bit like Caroline Holtz. Wonder whether that signifies something. Anyway, Cyril hesitantly tells Lilah that he admires her. Lilah smirks and says that she doesn't date guys from the mailroom. Cyril chirps, "Oh, me neither!" Lilah looks up at him in a way that's much funnier than the joke. It turns out that Cyril just wants to give Lilah a CD. Aw, I bet it's a mix featuring a lot of songs by Sting and the Goo Goo Dolls. Cyril just seems that type. Cyril slowly moves back toward the door as Lilah pops it into her PC and sees a short clip of her desktop make-out session with Angel. Lilah jumps up and gets in Cyril's face as she furiously asks whether he's trying to blackmail her into having sex with him. Cyril quickly says that she's misunderstood his intentions. He says that he's aware of the different factions within Wolfram & Hart, and that "there comes a time when a guy has to choose a side." Lilah asks whether he's picking her side, and Cyril nods happily. I really like Lilah's delivery as she somewhat skeptically asks, "And who are we allied against, you and I? Who is this common foe?" Cyril doesn't want to say, so Lilah encourages him: "If you don't tell me right now, I am gonna have your skin peeled off and stapled back on inside-out." With that, Cyril is only to happy to name Gavin Park. Duh. Cyril explains that the exterminators Gavin sent to the Hyperion were actually planting bugs and hidden cameras. Lilah grabs the CD and leaves the room.

In a dingy basement room, a master technician is tapping a television monitor to make the picture come in. Hitting electronics always makes them work. I'm not kidding, actually. You've just gotta show 'em who's boss. We pan across monitors showing a deserted Hyperion, and hear the dialogue from Cordy's training session last week. It turns out, I think, that we're hearing what a transcriber is listening to over his headphones as he types. Oh, I so feel for that guy. Gavin reads over his shoulder, "'Keeyi, ha, yawa, ow?' Is someone doing an incantation?" The transcriber explains that those are the sounds of Cordy punching Angel in the nose. The transcriber hands over a big book of printouts which he says contains everything up until last week. Then Lilah enters and calmly asks whether Gavin thought he could blackmail her with the CD. Gavin says, "No one cares. From what I hear, bumping uglies with an old man who body-jumped into a vampire is the closest thing you've had to a meaningful relationship in years." They all know about that? Bummer. He says he's got more important things in mind, and then loudly thanks Cyril. Cyril enters, and Lilah is inexplicably surprised that Cyril wasn't totally honest about whose side he was on. Lilah, even if you are surprised -- which you shouldn't be -- you should act like you knew it all along. How did she get to be such a bigwig at Wolfram & Hart if she's this trusting? She quickly regains her composure, though, and asks whether this is Gavin's "convoluted, pathetic way of asking for [her] help." She notes that Gavin needs more money and staff for what he's doing, and starts flipping through the big book of transcripts. Gavin insists that he just wanted Lilah to know what he'd been up to. Good idea, Gavin. At least they're both equally dopey. Lilah spots something in the transcripts and asks who the "unidentified pregnant female" is. Well, Lilah, the word "unidentified" suggests that nobody knows who it is. As she points to the transcript, I try to make out some of the typing. It starts, "Ok, how far is Roswell? Do you know?" and further down the page there's something about "infamous Area 51." So this is an old X-Files script that they found lying around and turned into a prop? That's funny. The transcriber explains that they lost audio for a few days, but he can show them the tape. He pops it in, and Lilah leans down and gasps, "Darla?" Gavin reminds us for the five thousandth time that vampires can't get pregnant. Lilah whips out her cell phone and tells someone named Linwood that she has surprising news for him.

Darla moans and whines about the pain, and Angel gently reminds her, "You like pain." Heh. Darla grabs his arm and gasps, "This is different! I want it out! Now!" Wesley tells her that she's going into labor, and when Angel asks how long it'll take, he says, "On average, about eighteen hours." Darla cries some more, and the MoG quietly flee. I would, too, if I could. Angel helps Darla to the bed, and then he, too, flees the groaning vampire. In the sitting room, Angel tells the MoG, "We've gotta figure out what's inside of her, now. Before it skitters out." Gunn suggests getting a demon doctor, "someone who understands how her vampire girl-parts work." Fred suggests trying a normal hospital, and Cordy none-too-gently points out that hospitals don't admit vampires. She's getting fed up with Fred, too. Welcome to the club, Cordy. Angel says that they don't have to admit Darla, and Wesley burbles, "Of course! We don't need the right doctor, we just need the right equipment." Oh, yeah. Of course. Because of that Obstetrics class Wesley took over the summer, which is where he made friends with the mortician and picked up a police scanner. Darla wails some more in the other room, and I am finally rescued by a blipvert.

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