Cordy steps out of the bathroom wearing a towel. Is it sweeps already? Angel's standing in her room. Startled "Oh!"s are exchanged. Not like that. Cordy alludes to the somewhat unsanitary conditions with Connor. Not like that. Angel asks after Connor. Cordy says what sounds like "He's eighteen," but the captioning says, "He's a teen." The second one makes more sense, but it does sound like "eighteen." I dunno. Cordy starts looking for an outfit, and I should mention that there's generic music playing on her stereo because it'll be important later. Well, not important, but relevant. Angel says that they're almost ready downstairs, and heads for the door. Cordy asks, "You're perfectly okay with just wandering into my room any old time?" Y'know, there's no good answer to that one. Angel doesn't even try. Cordy goes on, "That fits the 'We were in love' theory and the harassment theory pretty much equally." Angel non-answers that it'll be resolved soon, and leaves.
Downstairs, Wesley strolls into the office. Gunn suddenly asks, "So I guess I'm the muscle, huh?" Gunn is seated in a dark corner, the better to ask probing, jealous, possibly psychotic questions. Hey, it's all about mood. Gunn and Wesley snark at each other for a minute. Gunn makes it clear that he knows Fred went to Wesley for help last week. How he knows this will forever be a mystery. Wesley sniffs, "I did what you weren't prepared to do." Wesley, you gave Fred a drink, let her look at a book, and gave her a lift. And then you let her walk into a dangerous situation by herself. Which I guess Gunn wouldn't have done, but I wouldn't go bragging about that. Gunn jumps out of his chair and fires back, "You have no idea what I've -- what I would do for her." Wesley sneers, "Is there some reason I should need to know?" and I just want to punch him, just once. Gunn says he knows why Wesley keeps coming back, and Wesley couldn't be more of a dick as he says, "Because you keep needing my help." Inexplicably, Gunn doesn't reply, "We need your help like Cary needs another hole in his head." Wesley, if you want to be self-righteous, you should try to be right more than half the time. Or at least acknowledge when you're wrong. There is no excuse for being this big an asshole. As I keep saying, I've known people like Wesley, and I hope everyone who loves him gets to experience that same joy.
Where was I? Gunn tells Wesley, "You move on Fred and I'm gonna put you down, hard." Wesley sneers, "I'm glad to see you have such faith in your relationship." Gunn and I urge Wesley to keep pushing things, but Wesley waves his hand dismissively and asks Gunn to get out of his way. Kill him! Gunn grabs Wesley's wrist, and the Swiss Army skewer pops out of Wesley's sleeve. Ack! No! Not Gunn "him," the other "him" -- that's the "him" I want killed! Gunn barely avoids getting skewered, and Wesley observes, "Not all of us have muscle to fall back on." The blade magically retracts, and Wesley starts to leave. Gunn asks, "What happened to you, man?" Wesley turns to say, "I had my throat cut and all my friends abandoned me." Uh huh. And that was all out of the blue and not the direct result of mistakes that you made. Weasel.
Cut to everyone seated on the floor around the symbol in the lobby. They hold hands as Cary chants, "Owah tago syam." Or something like that. The bottle of potion rocks, candles flicker, music swells, morphy lights zap out of the bottle into the cast. Just another typical Sunday at the Hyperion. Everyone reels, and Cary crawls off moaning, "I feel a little..." Sitar music starts up on the soundtrack, and I think we all know what that means. It means I start singing, "Within You Without You." Oh, and it means that everyone's stoned, for some reason. Cary crawls behind the front desk, stands up, and then falls down unconscious. Everyone else gazes around looking stupefied. Needless to say, Boreanaz excels at this. Angel ends up wandering out into the courtyard. Fred examines a potted plant and strokes the fronds, insisting, "This is important!" And then she pukes. Gunn shadow-boxes. Wesley looks at the ceiling and finally gibbers, "We'll just wait to see if there are any side effects!" Cordy looks astonished and insists, "We can't just -- we have to -- no!" She slams her foot down on the bottle of potion, smashing it. And ending the sitar music, thank goodness. Unfortunately, it's going to be replaced with the violin cue of wackiness. Cordy asks what's going on, and Wesley asks her what her name is. Cordy answers, "I'm Cordelia Chase, dumb-ass." And then she says that if this is a "sophomore hazing prank," her parents will sue everyone in Sunnydale. Gunn asks what she's talking about. She goes on that way a little more, and then is distracted as Angel enters from the courtyard. "Hello, salty goodness," she sighs. Y'know, I didn't understand that line the first time she said it, and I still don't. I mean, "salty"?
Commercials. Johanna tells me a story that scene reminded her of, the punchline to which is "Why would anybody do that to a dog?" Maybe I'll have a contest where you try to fill in the details. We also agree that Connor should drop in and maybe Learn an Important Lesson about being a teenager. Or maybe just be bewildered by everyone. Either one's fine, really.
Now we get to the point where I have a hard time not quoting every line. Wesley establishes that Cordy's a student in Sunnydale, and then asks who Gunn is. Gunn says, "I'm the guy that's gonna be kicking a whole mess of ass [if] somebody don't tell me what's goin' on." There just aren't enough [sic]s in the world sometimes. Cordy asks, "What do they call you for short?" Heh. Fred introduces herself and says she's a student in San Antonio. Her accent is a lot heavier, also. Cordy gasps, "We're both in school? Gosh, let's be best friends so I can lose all of my cool ones!" Wesley tells Cordy not to be "snippety," and Cordy calls Wesley "Princess Charles." Wesley introduces himself, and says he's from "the Watcher's Academy in Southern Hampshire. In fact, I happen to be Head Boy." Cordy sneers, "I wonder how you earned that nickname." Wesley obliviously says, "A lot of effort, I don't mind saying." Gunn says, "Gunn." Wesley ducks and covers, asking, "Where?" At least his reaction is funnier than it was for Whedon's first attempt at that joke.
Angel is crouching over by the door. He's got strong calves. I can't believe I just thought that. Johanna will have a field day. Anyway, Cordy strolls over to Angel and asks who he is. Angel stands up and says they're all crazy, then asks, "What land is this?" To avoid admitting that he doesn't know, Wesley asks, "What land do you hail from, friend?" Angel snaps, "I'm not your friend, you English pig! We never wanted you in Ireland; we don't want you now!" Gunn and Cordy note that Angel doesn't exactly sound Irish, and I shout to them, "Yeah, but you'd still say that even if he was doing the accent. This way's less painful, at least." Angel insists, "For most certain, I sound exactly..." Then he stops and feels his throat. "Something's wrong with my voice," he observes. He does finally say that his name is Liam, and Cordy sniffs, "Great, we've all got names. Bye now!" She heads for the door, while Angel mutters to himself in the background: "Liam Gauuuuuuuu...." He continues to do that for a while, so just assume that's happening until he has another line. Thanks. Meanwhile, Wesley stops Cordy, insisting that they're all "victims of some nefarious scheme!" He guesses that the door is bolted (from the outside? Oh, right: he's an idiot) and that further dangers await them outside. Wesley wants to gather information. Cordy wants to call the police. Gunn vetoes that, saying, "I don't want no heat near me." Fred agrees, adding that the police are probably involved. Angel is still visible in the background, crouched over on the stairs, talking to himself. Hee. Fred goe