The Cautionary Tale Of Numero Cinco

Episode Report Card
Strega: B | Grade It Now!
Or, "Five's Fable," For Short

With a woosh, Spicule appears, sitting on the table, and starts right in on the whining. Actually, here's something I like about Spicule: that little "woosh" reminds me of all the sound effects on Parker Lewis Can't Lose. Oh, Lemmer, will you never win? He asks if anyone wants to trade special powers: "I'll swap [with] you, two-for-one. Walking through walls, picking up mugs, in exchange for -- I don't know. How about me not being dead?" Johanna and I wait for Angel to point out that he can already pick up mugs, so that's not much of a trade. Also, can Spicule only pick up mugs? That would be funny. "Sorry, can't help, mate. That's a glass." Angel snaps, "How about you not being here?" and Spicule smirks, "If wishes were horses..." Angel looks uncomfortable and gets up to go brood at the window. Gunn tries to cheer Angel up by noting that "in-house attacks are down 30% this week." Hee. He also claims that they've done more good in a month than they did in a year before. But it's such a boring kind of good. Angel moans that he feels disconnected, and that sets Spicule off on another round of complaining. Spicule tells Angel, "Try bobbin' around with no touch or taste or smell. Not many fates worse than that, I'd wager." On cue, the mailman enters, and Spicule concedes, "Okay, maybe that." Gunn, ignoring Spicule, agrees with Angel that he misses "mixing it up sometimes." Wesley promptly enters to announce that three people have been found in the past few hours with their hearts removed. The mailman stops piling mail on Angel's desk, to listen. Wesley says that the police are on it, but he thinks it's demonic work. The mailman trundles back out as the MoG decide to investigate. Gunn notices an envelope on the table and calls after the mailman. Well, shouldn't you put that in an outbox or something? Or is the mailman supposed to look around every room just in case there's something to be mailed somewhere? No wonder he's cranky. Angel grabs the envelope and goes after the mailman.

Out in the hallway, Angel walks up to the mailman and grabs his arm to stop him. The mailman whirls around and shoves Angel through one of the large windows that line the office. Then the mailman trundles on. From behind the broken window, Angel says, "I really hate this place."

Credits. I call Johanna, and we decide that the foster home should be the premise for the next season of Angel. They could move back to the Hyperion and raise an ethnically diverse group of adorable moppets who they struggle teach heartwarming lessons about the ups and downs of life, while also battling the forces of darkness. Sort of My Two Dads meets Friday the 13th: The Series.

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