Angel
The Trial

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The Trial

Back to Angel, who has reached a long, dark corridor. My guess is that Angel's second challenge will involve measuring four gallons of water, using only a three-gallon jug and a five gallon jug. And the third challenge, of course, will involve a lot of doors marked with signs that are made up of one true statement and one false statement. Anyway, the ceiling slides open, revealing the crescent moon and the night sky. Why? So that the moonlight can reveal that the floor and walls of this long corridor are inlayed with hundreds of crosses. In the center of the hall is a little baptismal font or bird feeder or something. Three guesses what's in there. Oh wait, I already gave it away by saying "baptismal font." Oh wait, they gave it away by using a baptismal font. Guess we're even, then. Hurt samples the buffet. Darla whines, "Why don't you just kill him, if that's what you want?" Hurt assures her that he doesn't want anything, and then starts telling her about how the journey is all and blah blah blah Joseph Campbellcakes.

Cross-vert. Angel begins a mad dash for the door at the end of the corridor. The hell? Okay, on close-ups you can see that there are small crosses on the floor in between the larger ones, but there are still quite a few places that look big enough for Angel to put his feet down if he'd walked instead of running. Later, it occurs to me that maybe the point of opening the ceiling was that he couldn't take the time to pick his way across slowly because the sun would be up soon. If so, maybe that part would have been clearer if the sky weren't so gosh-darn dark. Just a suggestion. So anyway, Angel singes his footsies, trips over nothing at all so that his hands and chest are burned too, and finally makes it to the far door. Which is, of course, locked. Guess where the key is? Did you figure it out? In the font -- which is full of, say it with me: holy water. Angel reaches is, screams and wails, pulls out the key, and runs back to the door. He unlocks it and makes it through. As trials go, these aren't exactly the Nemean Lion or the Aegean Stables, y'know? Hurt says, "He's quite remarkable." Darla thoughtfully agrees. These two really need to raise their standards. They're probably trying to nominate David Blaine for sainthood, what with all of his miracles.

Angel limps into another chamber. Shackles whip out onto his wrists and ankles, and he's held securely as Hurt wanders in, applauding. "You've fielded our strokes from end to end," Hurt says. I'll bet Angel hears that a lot, too. Then Hurt begins the final challenge. And a hundred stakes slowly poke out of the wall Angel is facing. Angel asks what's happening, and Hurt says, "I think you know, sir." Angel sighs, "Stakes." I finish the thought for him: "Why did it have to be stakes?" Angel coughs up a little bit of blood, for some reason, and says, "The only way it can work is you kill me." Hurt says that death is the final challenge, since "we can't restore one life without taking another." Golly. Who knew?

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Angel

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