Angel
There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb

Episode Report Card
Strega: C | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb

Previously on Angel, Cordelia wore too much makeup and a bikini; Wesley was the boss in name only; George was killed; and Angel said, "God, I hate L.A." Then they all went to Pylea, where Cordy wore too much makeup and a bikini. The more things change....

Cordy sobs as she looks down at Cary's head on a platter. "I ordered it well done!" she sniffs. Okay, actually she says, "I don't like it here any more. I just wanna go home." Cary opens his red eyes and declares, "Oh, honey! I'm right there with you!" Cordy screams and falls into the credits.

Cordelia screams. And screams. And screams. Because a talking severed head is much more disturbing than anything she saw in Sunnydale or Los Angeles. Or Pylea, for that matter. Cary tries unsuccessfully to calm her down and finally resorts to snapping, "Shut up, woman!" While Cordy stammers and gasps, Cary explains that a member of his clan can only be killed if his body is mutilated after his head is severed. He suggests recovering his body before the Trombli get around to mutilating it, and is interrupted as some slaves enter to investigate Cordy's squeals, which they heard even over the "smooth jazz" radio station they play in the slaves' green room. Cordy says that her screams are part of a meditation ritual. The slaves prepare to remove Cary's head, but Cordy says she wants to keep it around: "I'll just keep it to spit upon, and when I grow tired of that, I will make it a planter. A traitor planter, for all to see! Or maybe a candy dish." She dismisses the slaves. After waiting for some further wackiness to trudge through the room, Cary tells Cordy, "Just put me in a bag and take me to the mutilation chamber." You have no idea how often I've said that very same thing. Often while watching this show, in fact. Cordy doesn't know where the mutilation chamber is, and Cary takes that well, saying, "I'll just sit here and die, then...Find someone who knows!"

Cut to the Tromblibrary, where Enik is questioning the slaves about Cordy's behavior. They admit that she seems a tad upset. Enik says he'll give Cordy more heads to look at, and sends soldiers to track down Wesley and Gunn. The conversation turns to Angel, and another priest says that Angel is a "van-tal -- a drinker of blood." They instruct a teal demon on the ways to kill vampires, and send him after Angel. The teal demon promises to bury his stake in Angel's rump, so Enik has to explain that "his heart is where a cow's is." Duh. His brain is already taking up all the room in his ass. The teal demon leaves, and Enik says that by rescuing Fred, Angel "brings hope to the cows, for if one can be free, hope arises that all can be free." Angel's a regular Harriet Tubby-Man. The "cow" thing is making me giggle at all the wrong times. If vampires are "van-tals," why not make up a new name for people instead of calling them "cows"? It's disconcerting and didn't even lead to any jokes about rustling, so what's the point? Although now I'm wondering whether they refer to actual cattle as "doggies." Enik turns to question the loyalty of the slave who's been waiting behind him. Enik complains about the rebels, and unauthorized Infinite Improbability Devices...I mean, "portals." He also pointedly mentions that one of his trusted slaves has turned out to be a spy for the rebels. The slave denies this, but Enik turns around and points one of the guns from Space: 1999 at him. My brother used to have a water gun shaped like that. It was cool. There's an electronic whine and the slave's head explodes. Ooo, my brother's water gun didn't do that! I guess Fred lied about the imploding effect of the collars. Pity; implosions are tidier. Enik puts new batteries in his water gun and mutters, "And if one of thy slaves offend thee, thou shalt smite him down. And if all thy slaves offend thee, thou shalt smite them down, too." Well, all the ones wearing collars. He waves his hand over a device that we can safely assume is designed to cause mass cranial trauma.

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