Angel
Why We Fight

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We All Live In A Nazi Submarine

Lawson sums up the situation for Angel (basically, it sucks). "An ensign, a helmsman, a handful of petty officers." Well, they're a little bit cranky, but I wouldn't say they're -- Oh. I get it. Angel tells Lawson to keep everyone where they are, and heads for the hatch. Lawson offers Angel his gun, but Angel says he knows what he's up against, and exits.

Angel moves through the sub and reaches another hatch. Someone on the other side begins to open it and after a moment, out pops Spicule. With black hair. In an SS jacket. Sigh. Spicule looks more dumbfounded than usual as he says, "Angelus. They'll let anyone in here."

Commercials. Johanna declares that Wesley is retarded. I say that it'd be nice if he could learn a little from this, and that maybe now whenever he walks into a room he'll compulsively check behind the door. Johanna adds that the characters should automatically check themselves when they start to say "I wish..." about anything.

When we return, Angel goggles, "You're a Nazi?" Spicule chuckles, "No, I just ate one." Spicule seems happy to see Angel. Angel looks depressed. But he always does. Spicule figures that the Nazis caught Angel, and advises him, "Don't ever go to a 'free virgin blood' party. Turns out, it's probably a trap." I love that "probably." They move back through the sub while Spicule consoles himself by claiming, "It looks like they're rounding up the baddest of the bad." Angel asks Spicule to introduce him to the others, and Spicule agrees, noting, "They're a bit stiff."

Cut to some dead crewmen (they're stiff, geddit?), and then Spicule leads Angel into the control cabin. Spicule introduces Nostroyev, a snooty Russian noblevamp, and the Prince of Lies. The Prince of Lies is Camden Toy, doing a great impression of Willem Dafoe doing an impression of Count Orlock. Spicule presents Angel as "Angelus. The Angelus." Nostroyev promptly gets into a "who's evilest" pissing match with Angel, and brags that he's the Scourge of Siberia, and the Butcher of Alexander Palace. Angel shrugs, and Nostroyev shouts, "I was Rasputin's lover!" Spicule interrupts with some vague exposition about how they got free and attacked the sailors. Angel confirms that there aren't any humans alive in the front of the ship, and says that there are a few sailors left in the torpedo room. Spicule's ready to attack, but Angel says that they aren't going to kill anyone else yet. Spicule asks why not, and Angel explains, "We're trapped at the bottom of the ocean." Spicule knows that, but the Prince of Lies looks around and says, "Ve're underwater?" Angel says they need the remaining crew to operate the sub. Spicule insists that they can figure it out, and demonstrates by flipping a couple of switches and causing a siren to start blaring. Nostroyev doesn't react to the noise, but the Prince of Lies clutches his ears and hisses in pain. Hee. Angel shuts the siren off,while Nostroyev grabs an axe and agrees to leave one sailor alive, and eat the rest. Angel stops Nostroyev from passing through the hatch, and Spicule warns Nostroyev, "[Angel] likes to pretend he's the boss." Nostroyev sneers at Angel, "You may have made a name for yourself muscling around weaker vampires, but I am Nostroyev, I will tear you open and play 'Coachmen, Spare Your Horses' on the lute of your entrails." That was a really complicated threat. Angel moves out of the way. As Nostroyev passes, Angel punches him, grabs the axe, and stakes Nostroyev with it. Poof. Angel repeats that they won't kill the sailors till they reach land. Spicule agrees by making with the two-finger salute and saying, "Heil Hitler."

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Angel

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