Survivor
Anger, Threats, Tears…And Coffee

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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A Grown-Ass Man Saves His Grown Ass

Previously on Miss Alli Takes The Week Off And Attends Her Reunion, Which Reminds Her That High School Was Kind Of Like Survivor , Only With Fewer Rats And More Cheerleading: Rory was peevish over the women's admission that he was targeted for definite banishment, and he laid on a guilt trip as thick as the dearly departed Bubba's head. Julie and Twila forged an unlikely, Butt-and-Jeff friendship over their endangered chick status at Lopevi, while Rory continued to make clear that he was no one's working stiff. Lopevi used its animal-wrangling skills to land a steak-and-eggs meal after it turned out that Eliza is only a pig magnet when she hangs around in bars. Julie tried to ingratiate herself into Lopevi using her naked ass, while Twila did the same using her fully clothed air of simple, salt-of-the-earth, highway-working, good old American gullibility. The immunity challenge -- apparently modeled after some sort of underwater version of Mousetrap -- demonstrated that new blood is needed in the Department of Challenge Planning, and also that Leann is one of the only people you will ever see who could drown in a demitasse cup. Lopevi delivered another sound thrashing to the Girls-N-Rory squad. Back at camp, an offhand comment from Lisa that made the mistake of recognizing that no one's continuing presence can be guaranteed was construed by the preening Ami as a sign of obvious disloyalty, and all of a sudden, the women turned on one of their own. Adios, Lisa. This season would not have been the same without your charms. And when I say "charms," I mean...well, you know what I mean. We all know what I mean.

Credits. That one shot looks eerily like power lines. Maybe it secretly is, and electromagnetic fields make you stupid. Imagine if we discovered that the idiocy of Survivor contestants had an organic cause. You could remove the source, and after 39 days of unoccupied time, they would invent a car that ran on Saltines or something. Nothing would amuse me more than being able to cite the efficiency of my car in "miles per cracker." Which I would pronounce "pa-cracka."

Uh-oh, roiling clouds! That can only mean another day of manufactured drama. As awkward conversations throughout history have shown, there's nothing that says "human interest" like talking about the weather. We return to Lopevi on Day 16, where apparently, the entire sequence has been put together to encourage the development of a new breed of dirty euphemisms. For instance, Chris is hacking the bamboo. See? You could totally use that. That would liven up your next party. Or, you know, confession. In other news, Sarge is carrying wood in his sack. There's another one! KA-POW! They're everywhere, people. I'm not so crazy about what "Twila and Julie are hauling a log" would be taken to mean, but they are, as is Chad.

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Survivor

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