The guy with the Bo Derek hair gets high marks from Lorenzo. Rachel doesn't like "the Milli Vanilli hair."
Oh no -- crying time. Aja says she "doesn't think it could get any worse that having someone critique your body and your face." Oh, Aja. Have you ever heard of some of the human rights atrocities committed on the continent that bears your name? Or did you think you were trying out for Joe Millionaire or something? Maybe All-American Girl? Have you seen the promos for that? Just when I thought the women's movement couldn't be sullied any more.
Oh no, someone came out in a thong. Lorenzo chews the table and looks up to heaven in silent thanks. I'm thankful that he's silent. Lorenzo gives her two 10s, and, I assume, his phone number.
Wow, Rob, the black man with the 'fro, made unusual choices. He's wearing old man thrift-store pants with the waistband turned down and the legs chopped up. I like his unconventional spirit. But it won't help him win. Lorenzo tells him he "needs to put on fifteen pounds, bro." Shut up, Lorenzo. He looks fantastic.
One lady comes out, and Lorenzo says, "There's a great sense of heat happening. You're giving it to me, baby!" Her smile fades. It's official: Everyone hates Lorenzo. Here's a transcript of a conversation Sars and I had the other night.
Sars: God, why won't they cancel it? Lorenzo Lamas is tearing the fabric of America.
Alex Richmond: He's pooping on the fabric
Sars: The fabric tore itself in order to escape.
Alex Richmond: The garment rended itself
Sars: The flag burst into flames.
Alex Richmond: Then dung jumped onto it
Sars: He's so wrong.
Alex Richmond: I hope people start giving him more guff. Or some guff. Instead of just looking at him and wincing before he even opens his mouth
Sars: And the pointer is just so obnoxious, especially since he stole it from Howard.
Alex Richmond: EXACTLY. So lame. He uses it to virtually feel girls up.
Sars: I know it's a minor point, given that the entire premise is disgusting and feeble, but still. Shut up, Lorenzo's pointer. And Lorenzo's fugly kid. And Lorenzo.
Alex Richmond: SING IT, sister.