11:10: The Windy City crew is on hand to introduce the Original Score Oscar. We're going with Life of Pi.
11:12: Apparently, years of squinting have robbed Renee Zellweger of the ability to read a card that's three inches away from her face. Oh, and Life of Pi won by the way.
11:14: Wait, the Smash producers robbed us of a Scarlett Johansson musical performance for Original Song? This is worse than that time that Kat McPhee and Megan Hilty forced a bunch of innocent victims in Times Square to listen to them butcher Rihanna.
11:16: Just because the show has already past the point of no return in terms of finishing on time, Norah Jones is allowed to sing the nominated song from Ted. It's somehow less humiliating than her performance in My Blueberry Nights.
11:17: Adele wins Original Song because of course she was going to. For the Oscar trivia fans out there, this is the first time a James Bond tune has ever been honored with a statue. Yes... we can't believe that Duran Duran's "A View to a Kill" didn't set that record already either.
11:24: Clearly, Dustin Hoffman volunteered for this gig of introducing alongside Charlize Theron because he knew he'd be at boob height.
11:24: Adapted Screenplay award is on deck. We called this race very narrowly for Silver Linings Playbook, but were prepared to be wrong.
11:25: And we were. Argo wins, putting the big prize one tantalizing step closer.
11:27: Original Screenplay next. We had said Django...
11:28: And we were dead on! This time, QT gets to accept his Oscar without some future ex-con named Roger Avary standing next to him potentially hogging the spotlight.
11:29: Wow, playing the guy who wrote Django Unchained off with the theme from Gone with the Wind? Clearly, the musicians are starting the feel the length of this telecast too. At least they didn't have the sheet music to Birth of a Nation.
11:34: Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas stroll in all casual-like to present the Oscar for Best Director Not Named Ben Affleck. We're sticking with our Spielberg prediction...
11:35: And are proven decidedly incorrect. Ang Lee wins his second Directing Oscar for Life of Pi. Fun fact: the last time Lee won -- in 2006 for Brokeback Mountain -- he also beat out Spielberg, who was up for Munich. Apparently, we've found the Bearded One's Kryptonite.