9:00 - Tom Bergeron takes Best Reality Host from Cat Deeley's beautiful hands and Betty White's... old hands.
9:02 - And with that, we're on to drama. Sorry, Lena Dunham. No cupcake in a bathtub for you.
9:03 - TV is really good, you guys. I'm mostly just really excited that Two and a Half Men can't win anything else tonight.
9:04 - Claire Danes is pregnant? Does... does Brody know about this?
9:05 - Best Supporting Actor! And the Emmy goes to Aaron Paul!!! Bitch!
9:05 - Go-Karting after the show, on me! Who's coming? Who's bringing DJ Roomba?
9:07 - Oh man, I just realized this means Jared Harris and Peter Dinklage both lost. One hand giveth...
9:12 - They're letting Jimmy Kimmel talk again? But we were doing so well.
9:13 - I'm all for Twitter pranks and Tracy Morgan passing out, so this gag is totally fine by me. This is what everyone who doesn't have to liveblog gets for not having to liveblog this.
9:14 - Do Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere have any idea what's happening with Tracy Morgan? Based on the horrified look on their faces, I'm gonna go with maybe not.
9:15 - How does Matthew Weiner handle writer's block? Is it that hard to write his own name on the script covers?
9:16 - Homeland takes home the Best Writing trophy. Hopefully not the first victory for the show of the night.
9:17 - Watching Damian Lewis smiling with his fingers clasped together is so unsettling.
9:17 - Don't back down, Homeland writers! Ignore the music playing you off. We don't negotiate with terrorists!
9:18 - And Maggie Smith gets the Supporting Actress award for Downton Abbey, obviously.
9:23 - They're dragging passed-out Tracy Morgan off the stage. Why do I feel like I've written that statement at least a few dozen times before?
9:23 - Poor Giancarlo Esposito has to give Schmemmys updates about Best Guest Actor wins. On the bright side: Jeremy Davies and Martha Plimpton!
9:24 - Jeremy Davies is still rocking Dickie Bennett hair. I love it.
9:26 - Boardwalk Empire gets its first award for the evening in Directing. That's nothing for Mad Men yet, if you're keeping score at home.
9:27 - In Memoriam.... is Josh Groban playing One Direction? Aw, Jimmy is dead! Funny how much more enjoyable people are after they pass, as this is one of the highlights of the night by far.
9:29 - Julianna Margulies is already presenting Best Actor? I was so busy staring at her motionless eyebrows that I didn't realize it was time for this already.