9:26 - Miley and Shaun White, which is which, amiright?
9:28 - Foo Fighters win! So, when exactly do they get slimed?
9:35 - Who are these young men making these topical jokes?
9:37 - What is Nicki Minaj wearing? Is it a piece of the Aggro Crag from Global Guts? Seriously, she's like a DVR'd version of Lady Gaga from two years ago. Delete.
9:44 - Chord! We're getting choked up already. (No we're not.)
9:45 - First Katy Perry win tonight. And first Kanye interrupting joke of the night. Kanye is so quiet and Russell seems happy, I am humbled. Plus, she decided to dress conservatively for a change. Must've come straight from church.
9:46 - No beef for this Rick Ross/Paul Rudd bit, except for the lame Office reference. Even worse: It's completely lost on the audience.
9:49 - Pitbull dressed as a middle school principal tonight.
9:56 - Still hating Kevin Hart. Why didn't MTV just spring for Chris Tucker if they wanted this act?
9:58 - Surprised there's no obnoxious voiceover on this performance screaming: "If you think this guy should get back together with Adele, Text YES to 1674 Now!"
10:02 - Adele's nails make us miss Chloe King. Mai be the only ones.
10:03 - Feel bad that Jessie J is confined to the same bedazzled boot cast and chair all evening. At least give her an evil cat to pet, all Dr. Claw like.
10:11 - Hey, remember when Cee Lo was a thing?
10:12 - First Bieber win, second pair of red pants, thirtieth prop to Jesus.
10:13 - Chris Brown doing the performance we all wish we could have done walking into the reception of our Bar and Bat Mitzvahs.
10:14 - Do we really need to watch Chris Brown lip sync other people's songs, too? What a slap in the face.
10:16 - Just what the world needs: A flying Chris Brown.
10:24 - Still not outfit change from Gaga. Maybe she'll reveal her wig is made out of Oprah's hair or something. Anything!
10:25 - I will never turn away a Britney Spears video montage. Even one (inappropriately?) performed by children.
10:28 - So they gave Brit Brit that Vanguard award just so she could introduce Beyonce? Whatever. Just glad she didn't go down the-kissing-Gaga-to-please-the-audience road.
10:30 - Looks like Tina Knowles' business is still booming.
10:30 - How many people have tweeted about Beyonce's pregnancy glow tonight, do you think?
10:31 - Sorry, B, but MIA was wayyy more pregnant when she performed at the Grammys in '09. Step it up!