At some point Chris Harrison disappears because he is not paid enough to risk getting barf on his Bruno Maglis. Also, his shirt matches the tablecloth, and he's worried someone might get confused. Soon it is only Disney princess Tenley and Gia the Taken left in the competition. The Crying Blonde whose name I can't remember points out that they are the smallest girls in the competition, so it was pretty Alanis Morissette. Tenley barfs and eats and barfs and eats and then barfs IN HER PIE and keeps eating, which clearly Disney would not approve of, although I'm sure her Kappa Phi Delt sisters would totally get it. Gia, meanwhile, gracefully tips her pie on the table and wolfs it down like Rover at a Purina party. She wins! And she gets immunity and a non-sexual date with three men of her choice. Tenley just gets bulimia.
The Weatherman takes inspiration from little Gia's win, since they're about the same size. He wades into battle against the 200-plus pound hunks of manhood who are obviously smug and convinced of their imminent victory. Are you smelling an impending David and Goliath moment? Yeah it smells like Old Spice, girl puke, and victory. The big men start eating cherry pie and five bites in already slow down. The girls all nod knowingly. These men are not pie eaters. Except for The Weatherman who is calmly and efficiently eating his way through the pie.
All of a sudden the camera frantically cuts back to Fake Dean McDermott (a.k.a. Craig) who is sponging up pie juice with his head in the hope of lessening the amount of pie he has to eat or just for the attention. This has no effect on the pie, but grosses out the girls and making his hair very reminiscent of post-pig blood Carrie. The girls all cheer on The Weatherman, but Kiptyn, who exists, apparently, slowly starts to make headway on his cherry pie.* (*Note: I have no idea if they are eating cherry pie, I just wanted to get Warrant stuck in everyone's heads.) Fake Dean tries his head sopping thing again, but no one cares. And, hey, Fake Dean: Ew.
After Chris Harrison rudely makes him hoover the crumbs off the table with his mouth, The Weatherman wins! Poor Weatherman, Harrison loves to pick on the littler guys and there is no way he would have made Peculiar Jesse or the guy named Kovacs, who is tragically not a primetime detective with a fedora, lick the crumbs off the table before declaring him the victor. But The Weatherman wins! He and Gia get to go on dates and hand out roses and be benevolent and desired, which is very odd for The Weatherman, but he got special lifts just for the occasion.













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