Bachelor Pad

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LuluBates: A+ | 1096 USERS: C+
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Back at the house, Peyton's date card says something about engines and running. She selects Kovacs, Kiptyn and Peculiar Jesse to be her gentlemen companions on the date. Tenley is displeased by the idea of Kiptyn going on a date with another lady, especially one who is a better kisser than she is. Peyton announces that her new strategy is no strategy. All the ladies hate her already because she is a better kisser than they are, despite the handicap of having no upper lip. Over in Vegas, Dave and the ladies enter a luxe hotel suite only to be confronted with a dreaded note and a rose. Dave is instructed to choose one lady to stay the night and the other ladies have to ship out. Obviously Dave picks Natalie, even though Krisily's enormous rack is set to stun and aimed directly at his head. But, Natalie actually flashed her boobs! In the Loser Limo, Krisily pouts that she is never going to be able to tell Dave she likes him now! Except for, you know, when he gets back to California. Nikki has been thinking about it for a while, and she thinks maybe she should have taken off her top, too. Strategically, it might have been the thing to do. Meanwhile, Dave and Natalie get the magical overnight date card with the key to a Fantasy Suite and a condom with Chris Harrison's face on it. Obviously, they are both more than happy to take their relationship to the next level. On national television.

Dave and Natalie decide that their new couple-ness must be their own personal secret that they can only announce to a clergy member or trusted adult. Peculiar Jesse is really excited about the fantasy suite because despite having his face surgically attached to Natalie's for the first few episodes of this delightful show, he now confesses that he has a secret crush on Peyton. Before the big date, Tenley feels the need to stake her claim on Kiptyn before he is tempted with a fantasy suite night with Peyton. She goes to surprise him in his bed, but ends up being surprised herself when he more or less asks her to leave. Tenley is shocked because she is magical and is dressed by bluebirds every morning and who doesn't want to fuck a Disney princess? Isn't that the founding principle of Disney World? Kiptyn pretends that he is just really tired, but THAT IS NEVER TRUE. Tenley pouts, cries a little and goes to complain to Natalie, who shrugs. Tenley decides that she doesn't like Kiptyn at all and is going to poison an apple or sic a dwarf on him or something.

Bachelor Pad

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