Rachel and Michael cuddle somewhere where there are kegs and wagon wheels, so I'm not sure what's going on. Oh, good, we're getting that patented Bachelor-franchise small talk about becoming attracted to each other. "I like you, Rachel. I'm not going anywhere," Michael tells Rachel. Rachel tells us she doesn't want to be heartbroken again. She wishes she could be less pessimistic about it, not that her pessimism prevents her from making out with Michael.

So this means we have what, forty-five minutes of Rose Ceremony wrangling to "enjoy"? Please excuse me while I just throw myself down the stairs. Sarah reveals to Ed that Reid was behind his attempted ouster last week (and a new ouster attempt this week). Almost sweetly, Ed doesn't believe her: "Are you sure about that?" he asks. He feels betrayed. "I completely trusted him, and it's emotional for me. I believed he was here to support me, and the fact he stabbed me in the back..." Ed tells us. Well, two things: First is that Reid is here to win money, just like you are, Ed. Second: Is it only now occurring to Ed that Reid might want revenge for the Jillian thing (which I don't even remember, because of my brain's defense mechanisms)?

So later Ed confronts Reid about it, and you can tell Ed is serious about things because a) he is (mostly) sober and b) he's so mad that he wants to banish Reid from the hot tub, because I guess this is where Ed makes his important decisions. For Ed, the hot tub is like the office where Don Corleone receives visitors and hears requests on his daughter's wedding day.

Good lord, this is tedious. We get the two alliances laid out, which are apparently Michael and Rachel, Chris and Blakeley, and Ed and Jaclyn, with everyone else on the other side, except for Kalon and Lindzi, who are the loose cannons. Erica talks about the underdogs banding together to throw out the top dogs "for the first time in Bachelor Pad history" which is a phrase that makes absolutely no sense.

Chris Harrison comes in to pad out some of the bloated two-hour running time by asking how everyone's feeling, as well as going over the rules of the Rose Ceremony, because of the assumption that viewers have the attention span of five-year-olds.