Bachelor Pad
Episode 303

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No Good Reid Goes Unpunished

The daters are getting made up to look even more like statues than they already are, getting ready to scare the daylights out of some Bachelor fans. I think that's sad, given how empty their lives must be already.

Some of the fans are more easily fooled than others. There is discussion of the hotness of Michael and Rachel (who genuinely seem to be digging each other), but poor Tony gets a "who?" when the in-on-it photographer asks a fan what she thinks of Tony. When she's reminded who he is, she says he was OK, and asks what the "nicer word for pathetic" is. If anyone has any idea who Nick is, we don't get to see it.

In an utter non-surprise, Rachel gives Michael the rose, which Tony calls an utter mistake. Why that is, I'm not sure, but it may just be because he'd rather be making out with Rachel than riding home in the limo with "Mr. Protein Powder." Who? Oh, Nick. I still don't know who Nick is.

Rachel and Michael cuddle somewhere where there are kegs and wagon wheels, so I'm not sure what's going on. Oh, good, we're getting that patented Bachelor-franchise small talk about becoming attracted to each other. "I like you, Rachel. I'm not going anywhere," Michael tells Rachel. Rachel tells us she doesn't want to be heartbroken again. She wishes she could be less pessimistic about it, not that her pessimism prevents her from making out with Michael.

So this means we have what, forty-five minutes of Rose Ceremony wrangling to "enjoy"? Please excuse me while I just throw myself down the stairs. Sarah reveals to Ed that Reid was behind his attempted ouster last week (and a new ouster attempt this week). Almost sweetly, Ed doesn't believe her: "Are you sure about that?" he asks. He feels betrayed. "I completely trusted him, and it's emotional for me. I believed he was here to support me, and the fact he stabbed me in the back..." Ed tells us. Well, two things: First is that Reid is here to win money, just like you are, Ed. Second: Is it only now occurring to Ed that Reid might want revenge for the Jillian thing (which I don't even remember, because of my brain's defense mechanisms)?

So later Ed confronts Reid about it, and you can tell Ed is serious about things because a) he is (mostly) sober and b) he's so mad that he wants to banish Reid from the hot tub, because I guess this is where Ed makes his important decisions. For Ed, the hot tub is like the office where Don Corleone receives visitors and hears requests on his daughter's wedding day.

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