Now it's Chris and Sarah, and unlike with the other two, Chris, the dude, starts things off. As Nick gleefully points out, the mic is set too low, leaving Chris hunched over like an arthritic eagle. Chris can barely carry the tune, which is more than I can say for Sarah, and her dancing is even worse. Everyone knows at this point that Nick and Rachel have it won, so they watch Sarah spaz out like she's auditioning for Hooters while on ginseng and cough syrup, and Chris rips off his shirt for some reason, and then Harrison has to put Night Ranger through a discussion of all the couples.

Nick and Rachel: Good job. Ed and Jacklyn: Horrible. (And by the way, who doesn't know the words to this song?) Chris and Sarah: Most entertaining train wreck. Winners: Nick and Rachel.

Nick giggles that this is the first time he's ever been safe at a Rose Ceremony, which is kind of hilarious, and then we learn that Nick and Rachel will also be deciding which of the other two couples will be joining them in the finals. Jacklyn takes over for Blakely with some boo-hooing about how she let her partner down and whatever, although if she keeps it up for three straight hours we don't actually see it. There's more talk about who "deserves" to be in the final, as if anyone's basing their decisions on that, and then I think Jacklyn actually says that she will literally die if Rachel doesn't choose her? Only one way to find out!

Oh, the two loser couples get to beg for their lives once more! Nick uses the word "imperative" again, which makes me think of Dr. Pfeffer on Seinfeld who called everything "breathtaking," and Rachel tells us she wants to bring Ed and Jacklyn, but Nick thinks Chris and Sarah would be their better strategic decision. Nick seems to be breaking Rachel down with his cold logic, which is hilarious to witness on this show, although when he says that this will give them the win, she asks, "At what price?" like she thinks she'll have to endorse the check in Jacklyn's spinal fluid.