Bachelor Pad
Episode 307

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: F | Grade It Now!
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Dead to Me

So: Which girl was first into her bikini this season? It's Donna, and everyone gets it right. Which person in this season's Pad was from the earliest season of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette? The answer is Erica, and only Nick (showing me up) and Sarah get it right, so Ed and Tony each lose a rope, not that one seems to have much of an effect. Which woman in the house this season did not compete in the "Falling For Love" competition? It's one of the twins, but Nick goes wrong, picking Brittany when in fact it was Erica. Rope cut for Rachel. Right before the Hot Sludge Fundae competition, there was a shakeup. Who was David's partner before the switch? It's Jamie, and everyone gets it but Blakely (she went with Sarah). Tony loses a second rope. What was the first competition on Season One of Bachelor Pad? It was Twister, and only Sarah pulls it, so the others lose a rope, and Tony loses his seat and begins his hang. Who took her bikini top off on a group date in Vegas in Season One? I can't believe the answer isn't "everybody," but it's Natalie, and everyone gets it right. Tony looks like his love for his son isn't reaching his deltoids. Which two contestants on Bachelor Pad 2 were mothers? Just like that, Tony falls. Weak sauce, bro. The answer is Ella and Michelle, and the remaining women get it right, while Nick only gets half the answer, leaving Rachel to lose another rope and her seat. Erica R and Michael S (seems appropriate to use grade-school abbreviations) were on Bachelor Pad twice; who is the only other repeat offender? Rachel falls. Sarah gets it right with Gia. At this point, Ed is hanging and Chris hasn't even lost one rope, so let's cut to the chase: Ed falls just as Chris is about to lose his first rope. Harrison invites Chris and Sarah to "think" things over and get back to him with a decision, and I assume there's no rush given that there's still over an hour and a half in this God-forsaken show.

Sarah jumps all over Chris in some gazebo, and then we hear her jabber about the contestants and whatever, which we know will reveal nothing, especially since Sarah says in all seriousness that everyone has "played such a good game." Blakely is in hilarious tears, and Harrison then essentially allows the rest of them to beg for their lives, although he frames it as letting anyone get anything off their chest they'd like to, and it's pretty awesome when Tony tells Chris that he wants to be able to win the money to provide for his son, like, letting you last through this elimination would be one thing, guy, but I'm pretty sure Chris's endgame is to win the cash for himself. If you don't believe me, ask him -- he's said so ten different times this episode already. They then stick in yet another commercial break, which would annoy me if this were a different show and I weren't recapping two hours of it.

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Bachelor Pad

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