Bachelor Pad

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: A+ | 1068 USERS: C+
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Yawnfest

Speaking of making out in a hot tub, Tenley and Kiptyn are doing the exact same thing! I bet you could get pregnant just sitting in that thing. MORE CHLORINE, PLEASE! They explain how much they like kissing each other. I start retching and miss the rest. Back in the OTHER hot tub, Natalie wants to talk Strategy. She un-straddles Dave so he can focus and tries to sell him on the idea of getting rid of Kovacs. He's not so sure, because he and Kovacs have a suicide pact, and he's not sure if he wants to kick it into high gear. Back at the Herpes Hacienda, Elizabeth and Kovacs are staring googly-eyed at each other, and Elizabeth announces she wants to try and break into the on-premise Fantasy Suite. They sneak upstairs (with camera crew, obvi). Kovacs draws a bubble bath because, yeah, guys are totally into candle-light bubble baths. Then they make out in the bathtub with their swimsuits on. Then they climb into bed and Kovacs asks Elizabeth if she wants to get naked, because at this point why not be completely nude on national television, right? I mean, your grandma is already praying for your immortal soul by now, and if not, your grandma hates you. Elizabeth plays prude-ish and claims she is only naked when she is in love, not lust. Kovacs is like, WTF? We've been dating for six months, do you really expect America to believe we've never slept together? Elizabeth wants us to believe they've never slept together. Then they possibly sleep together. Let's all send her supportive e-mails (and Valtrex)! Then Elizabeth picks a fight because she wants more Romance and what better way to get Romance than by nitpicking? Then she calls herself stupid and America agrees and then she picks another fight and then she tells Kovacs she loves him. He does not respond.

The next day Natalie and Dave return (Dave is still driving the car) and they find Elizabeth and Kovacs in the Fantasy Suite. They join them, but instead of turning all Showtime After Dark, Kovacs and Dave high five and go to find the beer bong. Later, Kovacs and Dave strategize and do math and realize that Peculiar Jesse and Peyton are going home. They smash beer cans on their heads in celebration. Natalie pulls Peyton aside and tells her to try and sway the stupidly named Kiptyn and Tenley to keep her in the house. Peyton likes the plan. She goes to talk to Tenley and subtly steers Tenley in her direction. Tenley follows the lo-cal bread crumb trail and realizes that Elizabeth and Kovacs need to go. Tenley goes to find Kiptyn who is butchering meat, because someone has to. Between whacks of the butcher's knife, Kiptyn also comes to the conclusion that Kovacs and Elizabeth should probably go. Tenley can't control herself around a man chopping raw chicken and lunges into his arms risking the cross contamination and possible salmonella.

Bachelor Pad

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