Anyway, the men put the women to shame, which is too bad, given that the men still need to laugh while they're doing the electric worm and jumping through hula hoops and all that, because THEY'RE ALL MEN, DAMMIT. Donna says she'd like Mike to tie her up and then dance around her, and I really hope any parental figures watching Donna feel a deep sense of shame. (In all likelihood, though, they'd at least watch the twins and realize Donna's not the biggest embarrassment on the show.)
Given how much the show has not spent on Erica R. and Ed, it's not a big surprise that they're voted the worst performance. Apparently "ability to open mouth more than a millimeter" and "ability to stay sober" were respective factors for them. As for the best? Blakeley. She's excited, and says she'll definitely take Chris on the reward date (this is in contrast to Chris, who had said he would take Jamie or Donna, or anyone other than Blakeley, who has turned out to be a drag on super-stud Chris). The men's winner is Magic Mike, which seems to mean the women will be offering him sexual favors tonight? I'm not exactly sure how this program works yet.
Erica R. goes to Mike to drawl out some plea for clemency, and as much as I dislike her, Mike does leave the impression that he's going to save her, which is why she's pissed when he elects to take Rachel, Lindzi and Donna on the date. Mike says since he's already won the money, he's here for a love connection (his selection of Donna, I'd argue, gives you an idea of what he loves). Then Erica R. starts whining about how Donna shouldn't be kept over her, because she's just a fan, and then you realize that you'd lie to Erica R.'s face too. Donna at least seems to actually like Mike.
The date takes the quartet to a theatre that has their names on the marquee, and when they get inside there are a couple dozen extras rhythmically clapping along to some awful post-grunge band, although I will give their Bachelor Pad appearance credit because it means that bands these days aren't so hung up on "credibility" or "talent" or "having good songs" and then Mike takes his dates' tongues for a spin.
Back at the house, Ryan bakes a cake and scatters rose petals on Jamie's bed for her birthday, and spelling out her name in licorice, and if you skipped all episodes up to until now and someone said to you, "One of the men is a virgin. Which one?" it would not be hard to pick.