Bachelor Pad
Season 3, Episode 2

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
Twinning Isn't Everything

Erica R. goes to Mike to drawl out some plea for clemency, and as much as I dislike her, Mike does leave the impression that he's going to save her, which is why she's pissed when he elects to take Rachel, Lindzi and Donna on the date. Mike says since he's already won the money, he's here for a love connection (his selection of Donna, I'd argue, gives you an idea of what he loves). Then Erica R. starts whining about how Donna shouldn't be kept over her, because she's just a fan, and then you realize that you'd lie to Erica R.'s face too. Donna at least seems to actually like Mike.

The date takes the quartet to a theatre that has their names on the marquee, and when they get inside there are a couple dozen extras rhythmically clapping along to some awful post-grunge band, although I will give their Bachelor Pad appearance credit because it means that bands these days aren't so hung up on "credibility" or "talent" or "having good songs" and then Mike takes his dates' tongues for a spin.

Back at the house, Ryan bakes a cake and scatters rose petals on Jamie's bed for her birthday, and spelling out her name in licorice, and if you skipped all episodes up to until now and someone said to you, "One of the men is a virgin. Which one?" it would not be hard to pick.

Meanwhile, Jamie is doing shots and preparing for some Chris coup from Blakeley, who hasn't forgiven Jamie for trying to steal her partner. Sadly, she doesn't appear to be assigning equal responsibility to Chris, although I'm not sure Chris has demonstrated enough brainpower to prove he could, for example, live on his own or cross the street. Still, Jamie's much more into him than she's into Ryan, which is why she's so devastated that Ryan tells her Chris says he's staying with Blakeley and thinks Jamie should stay with Ryan. We haven't seen any of this, naturally, but Jamie takes Ryan at his word, and wonders why, if Chris wants someone to take home to his folks, he would stay with the VIP cocktail waitress. Look I wouldn't take home anyone who was on Bachelor Pad, so careful, there, Jamie.

Back on the date, that awful band is no longer playing, so that's a plus. Mike wants to French his dates some more. First up is Rachel, so they make out for a while, and then Donna -- surprisingly sweet given her "I will literally have sex with everyone to win" demeanor -- gives him a picture she drew of him (a little more Henry Rollins square head-esque than Mike, maybe) and he rewards her by sticking his tongue into her mouth. She says it's the best date she will ever be on. You'd think the best date she ever goes on wouldn't involve her date kissing two other women (who are also on the date) but that's her journey.

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