Bachelor Pad
Bachelor Pad

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | 178 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Hold Me, Thrill Me, Chris Me, Kill Me

And now we get to defile Dodger Stadium by watching Ed and Jaclyn running across the field and butchering "The Star-Spangled Banner." I'm not even American, and it offended me. Then they play slo-pitch and Jaclyn manages to pop the ball into the outfield, and she talks to us about how cute and sensitive Ed is. "Who doesn't have a crush on Ed?" she asks us. Maybe anyone with a maturity level beyond someone whose main criterion for a boyfriend is that he has a car?

And Sarah is STILL ranting about Jaclyn trying to claim Ed. Hey, at least she didn't sleep with him and then try to vote him out, HEY, SARAH? Anyway, Ed and Jaclyn scarf down some Dodger Dogs while we find out that Jaclyn is supposed to give out a rose to some other guy when she gets back to the Pad, since Ed's already safe and all. This seems to be some sort of gasp-inducing monkey wrench for some reason.

Back at house, Chris, who is getting beyond tiresome, tells us that Blakeley's really getting on his nerves. I'm trying to figure out some scenario in which anyone watching this isn't sympathizing with Blakeley, who is commiserating with Rachel in the hot tub.

Chris tells us how sneaky he is. He really has an inflated sense of his own scampiness, doesn't he? Apparently he wants to hook up with someone else without Blakeley finding out? Or something? Ugh, who has the energy.

And we're back on the date, with Ed and Jaclyn eating the same hotdog from opposite ends, so when a moment later Jaclyn starts saying she and Ed are the "power players" in the house, my eye-rolling was severe.

Anyway, they're strategizing over who to give the rose to. Ed wants to give it to Chris, because he trusts Chris. Good call, since Chris is a non-stop object lesson in trustworthiness. Jaclyn's not such a dingbat that she can't see what waste of skin Chris is.

Speaking of which, here's Chris talking about how he really doesn't like Jamie at all, apart from her boobs. Jamie's boobs and annoyingness are on display as she twirls, bikini-clad, in the kitchen, but this is still more of Chris needing to get over himself. And then he winds up cuddling with Chris in bed. "Am I really in this gorgeous, wonderful man's arms?" Jamie asks us. Well, no. You're CLEARLY with Chris, and we don't know who YOU'RE talking about.

Bachelor Pad

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