Bachelor Pad
Bachelor Pad

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | 180 USERS: C+
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Hold Me, Thrill Me, Chris Me, Kill Me

So their limo driver stops, wordlessly, in a parking garage. They sit there for a moment and wonder what's going on -- Sarah manages to keep her clothes on -- and then suddenly the driver peels out and screeches through the parking garage and outside through some boxes.

So their date is, of course, one of those learn-how-to-be-action-stars dates, where they stare at each other and work on choreographed fight scenes. There's a pseudo-plot about Chris being a hostage who needs rescuing, and then the two of them kiss, and this movie is even worse than The Expendables.

Back at the house, Harrison comes in with a rose for Ed to give out. Ed gets to give it out, not Chris, because Ed won the challenge. Blakeley immediately starts desperation-flirting with him. Meanwhile, on the date, Chris gets to say, without any need to be called on his bullshit, that if he had a rose he'd give it to her. Then she makes a "rose" with a strawberry and a fork, and he gives it her, and she sadly tells us it's a symbol of what a great partner he is and how loyal he is, and maybe when she gets back to the house she and Jamie can find a dictionary and look up the word "loyalty" in it, because they're in for a surprise.

Back at the house, all the contestants are hanging out, waiting to find out who Ed's going to choose for the rose. Ed, saying he's basing it on trust and friendships, gives it to Rachel. Blakeley makes a sad face, and has to listen to Jaclyn claim it was her decision for Ed to give Rachel the rose.

Meanwhile, Chris and Sarah are making out in a hot tub while Sarah tells us the chemistry between them is very sexual and hot. If they could be bothered to put the champagne glasses down to kiss, I might believe them.

Jamie tells us she wants to break up Blakeley and Chris, and then seems surprised when Blakeley sees right through her friendly overtures and blasts her and gives her the impression she's not at all interested in Chris romantically. That's just fine with Jamie, who can't wait for Chris to finish jamming his tongue down Sarah's throat and come home.

Bachelor Pad

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