Bachelor Pad
Season 3, Episode 5

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Deus Ex Bachelor Pad

So off Tony and Blakeley go on the date, which turns out to be at an Airstream trailer (complete with pink flamingos). Blakeley's good-sport fa├žade is cracking, because she gave up a jewelry-Bentley date for this, and she doesn't like bugs and coyotes and "wood badger monsters." That is a thing she just said: "Wood badger monsters."

Back at the house, Chris has got his Machiavelli Hoodie on as he tries to re-form an alliance with Ed. He's trying to sell Ed on the merits of voting of Lindzi to try to get under Kalon's skin. Ed's intrigued, because he doesn't trust Kalon at all.

Under the stars at the Airstream Of Love, Blakeley seems to making the best of it. "You really make me feel really comfortable," Blakeley tells Tony, adding that she's relieved for not being Chris's partner anymore.

And then she rambles on about how withdrawn she can be at first, because she's been cheated on and left and whatever. Tony says she's been with the wrong dudes, and he's confident he will find the one person he's meant to be with.

Back at the house, Michael and Rachel aren't letting the fact they haven't won a challenge in a while prevent them from making their own date time at the Pad. Things seem to have really settled down at the house. It could be that there are simply fewer people there, and it could also be that they drank all the alcohol and there's none left, which could also explain why Ed is on edge.

Anyway, Michael, Rachel, falling in love with each other, like anyone watching this show is actually invested in whether anyone falls in love.

And back on Trailer Trashy: The Date, Tony turns the radio on in the Jeep, and wouldn't you know it but there is some awful song about how "love, it don't come easy" and if that sounds horrifyingly familiar it's because it's by that Wes guy who decided to be on The Bachelorette to further his musical career, and the fact he apparently has one is just one of the crimes The Bachelor franchise will have to answer for someday. Anyway, Blakeley and Tony dance and kiss, and Blakeley seems more surprised than anyone to find herself digging Tony.

Everyone's making out and snuggling! Well, except for Jaclyn and Ed. Ed seems to be passed out face-down on the couch.

Blakeley and Tony return the next morning, and regale everyone with their rustic tales of grillin' up vittles. Sarah asks, "Did you make whoopee?" like WHO EVER SAYS "MAKE WHOOPEE" and Chris is mocking Tony (not to his face) about being brainwashed already by Blakeley.

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Bachelor Pad

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