And then Nick gets to speak. He's just been sitting there the whole time, fortunately looking less bright orange than he has at times on the show. Of course, he just gets to talk about what it was like filling the void left by Michael. And now that he's in the final four, it's easy for him to pretend that his under-the-radar strategy was totally the plan all along.

And now it's Chris's turn to talk, only he says dumb things like the whole thing with Blakeley and Jamie was tough on him, and his family. Turns out his family gave him an earful about how he treated the women. "The game got a hold of me," he says, and blames his behavior on trying to get over Emily.

Jamie's not impressed, and says Emily was very wise to see right through him, because he wouldn't make any great father. "It's unfortunate that you think that way," says Chris, apparently not so sorry for his shitty behavior to keep from getting angry at someone who was hurt by his shitty behavior.

Harrison decides that his one job -- being the host -- is too much, and decides to let the Bachelor Pad rejects do the interviewing. Jaclyn wants to know why Rachel didn't put up a bigger fight for her. Why did Nick, who landed in the final position out of luck (as opposed to Jaclyn, whose presence in the Bachelor universe is due entirely to talent and hard work), get to decide Jaclyn would leave? "It was by far the lowest I've ever felt in my entire life," says Rachel, who adds that she fought "tooth and nail" to keep them, but Nick points out that Chris and Sarah are awful people (not a direct quote) and he felt they would have had a tougher time against the well-liked Ed and Jaclyn in the final.

Rachel gets choked up as she talks about how loyal Jaclyn is and how she never lied and how she wishes Jaclyn were up there with her. Jaclyn looks moved by that. Besides, who wants to vote for Chris and Sarah? That's like cheering for the Death Star.

Harrison asks Chris if he regrets the controversial things he did that hurt people. Of course he says he doesn't, because he's really just sorry that other people are calling him out on his shit. He shrugs his shoulders and does the "It's a game, I'm here to win" thing, and Blakeley sets him straight: "You came here to win. We have to vote. I just think you should have just thought about that gameplay." Cheers from the crowd.