Bachelor Pad
Season 3, Episode 8

Episode Report Card
Daniel: A | 2 USERS: A+
Forget It, Rachel. It's Bachelor Pad

And then Tony joins her up on stage for the big announcement that they're moving in together like CONGRATULATIONS, and the audience can barely work the applause up over a "that's good, I guess?" level. Blakeley's moving to Portland, it seems, and then Tony says he's got one more thing to say. "I care about you more than anyone I've ever been with, and I don't want this to end," and it's always romantic when you talk about all the other people you've ever been with when you're declaring your love for the person you're currently sleeping with.

And then he gets down on one knee, and Blakeley is all, "Are you fucking kidding me?" and he asks her to marry him, and clearly this isn't too much of a surprise because the cameras are set up to pick up the name of the jewelry company in the ring box, and Blakeley says "absolutely" and the crowd gets to its feet and the other Bachelor Pad losers all get up to hug and congratulate them.

And we're only halfway through this shit show, but now it's time to bring out the two couples who can still win the money. Rachel and Nick, and Sarah and Chris stroll out and sit down.

Rachel says she's excited to be here, but there still some "unresolved things" and people she needs to talk to. She says she had strong feelings for Michael and she thought he did for her, but turns out not so much. "You were so into me. All of America saw it," she says, pointing out that he told her he hadn't felt this way about someone since his fiancée, but once the show was done, he turned cold to her. Michael says that once he got off the show, he realized he wasn't falling in love, and he didn't want to get into a long-distance relationship. Well, I guess it's good she didn't quit the game over Michael leaving, hey?

And there is discussion of Michael's trip to see her in a hotel room that Michael apparently thought was closing the book on their relationship, while she felt she was led on with the kissing and the cuddling. Also crushing Rachel (literally, according to her) was later finding out that Michael is now in a long-distance relationship with someone in Chicago, and when she decides he doesn't get to say any more about it, she's all, "OK, Michael, we get it," when it seems kinda like the point is she didn't get it.

And then Nick gets to speak. He's just been sitting there the whole time, fortunately looking less bright orange than he has at times on the show. Of course, he just gets to talk about what it was like filling the void left by Michael. And now that he's in the final four, it's easy for him to pretend that his under-the-radar strategy was totally the plan all along.

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Bachelor Pad




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